My Sweet Lord

Billy Preston:My Sweet Lord sélectionné dans Musique et Rock / Pop

I love this song, specifically this version with Billy Preston singing. Pushing all the intentions of George Harrison aside and the multi-religious nature of some of the lyrics...I personally listen to the yearning, familiar way the song speaks to my Lord and seems to plead with Him in a very personal way for more of Him. There is a melancholy tone that feels to me like the sadness of yearning for something good, but something not to be fully grasped at this time. Good things come and go and are never what we would like them to be, so the hope of something that is so ultimately fulfilling...well, it is hard to imagine and hard to be patient. It is, for me, tiring and wearing to the point of giving up and being exhausted, and I sense this in the song. And yet there is an underlying joy, a hope of...could this really be what will tie all the loose chords together? The thing that won't tease with a satisfaction that eventually always fails? But the song pleads with my sweet Lord, personally expressing a desire, a need for more of Him in an "I can hardly wait, Lord", or even an "I am tired of waiting, Lord". This personal and familiar manner in speaking to God makes me think of how we are told to approach God as Abba, Father, a most incredibly, intimate relationship.

More and more I realize that He is exactly what is missing in everything in life, and yet He can be so elusive and distant. Not a unique experience to myself, but one that I think even Jesus surely must have felt in some manner during His life. Jesus truly left His throne, His Father, left the place where He had all that He should have and came to a place where He met rejection, homelessness, hatred, betrayal and finally murder.

"My God, why hast thou forsaken me?" He cries. And there is where Jesus experienced the heart of His suffering in our place, forsaken by His own Father, referring to Him in the way that we might, calling Him "My God". He is cast out of His familial position, His status revoked. Bad for Him, but good for us, because where He experiences being cut-off from what is rightfully His, we experience adoption into a family which we rightfully do not belong.

As God becomes Abba, Father...Jesus becomes my sweet Lord and my yearning for more echoes His own cry, but in joy and hope over what He has done. And the elder brother of the world welcomes us home...we can hardly wait...we are tired of waiting, my sweet Lord.

The Dark Side of a Saint

"To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, 'A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God.' "

Brennan Manning



This quote from Brennan Manning that includes a quote from Thomas Merton strikes a chord with me. I think experiencing grace and understanding the deep wonders of my salvation can only be done when experiencing the depths of my need. My constant reminder of my fallen-self and my brokenness is what allows me to recognize how much God values me because the price He paid was necessarily high. If I could recognize this once and for all and move on, maybe that would be a good thing. But no, my self-righteousness and self-centeredness requires constant attention. But the payoff is great because when I feel that I cannot save myself, in steps a true saviour who exchanges guilt for gratitude and acceptance. I don't deny my struggle with this dark side, instead I use it to reveal the steadfast love that God has for sinners like me.

In this song by Sting, he sings of a vampire who struggles with his crimes and sins, an eerie echo of the life of a christian...living at the same time as both sinner and saint.





There's a moon over bourbon street tonight
I see faces as they pass beneath the pale lamplight
I've no choice but to follow that call
The bright lights, the people, and the moon and all
I pray everyday to be strong
For I know what I do must be wrong

Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there's a moon over bourbon street

It was many years ago that I became what I am
I was trapped in this life like an innocent lamb
Now I can never show my face at noon
And you'll only see me walking by the light of the moon
The brim of my hat hides the eye of a beast
I've the face of a sinner but the hands of a priest

Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there's a moon over bourbon street

She walks everyday through the streets of New Orleans
She's innocent and young from a family of means
I have stood many times outside her window at night
To struggle with my instinct in the pale moon light
How could I be this way when I pray to God above
I must love what I destroy and destroy the thing I love

Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there's a moon over bourbon street

Being good can be a dangerous thing. It can become our identity, our way of feeling worthy, our way of giving meaning, direction and purpose to our lives...all of which can be good things themselves but only in the context of the gospel. Being good is at its worst when it is used as our means of earning God's approval, acceptance and love. In that context, it is the source of judgement, pride, condemnation, and fear. Our attempts to free ourselves from shame by being good inevitably lead us back to the shame we tried to escape.

A story I know about sadly illustrates this. A man who attended church regularly stated, "I don't know about Jesus dying for my sins and being resurrected and all of that...I just sit in church and try to think about being a good person."

When this man came face to face with great personal shame and his inability to be good, the man was overwhelmed and chose to take his own life. The irony, of course, is that Jesus gave His life so that we are lifted from the dark depths of shame, and rescued from having to be good in order to be loved. That we continue the path of being good and avoiding acceptance of this gift of grace for ourselves as well as for others is truly the real shame.

Doubt, Disappointment and the Flowing River

"I have always loved the story of Peter walking on the water ... or trying to. It's such a spot on picture of our spiritual lives. We are called out of our comfort and asked to believe the impossible. And with all the evidence in front of us, somehow we still have our doubts and we begin to sink. I wanted to capture that moment before our doubts take hold and pull us down into the darkness of fear and worry. It is in that weakness though that Christ reaches us." — Luke Flowers (artist)





I am reading Philip Yancey's book, Disappointment With God. I have read it a number of years ago, so it is a refreshing look at doubt and struggle with God. In telling the story of a man who turned from his faith, Yancey points out the three very large questions often asked, though usually not out loud.

Is God fair? Is God silent? Is God hidden?

As soon as I begin reading I am reassured because I realize that it is makes a good deal of sense to ask these questions of God. This is not apologetics, but more an emotional series of questions that I can say are really a combination of self examination (I am not the person I would really like to be) and frustration with wanting more of my experiences in understanding and knowing God. I don't think I am alone in that need or desire at all. A blog I found by Jason Boyett in which he discusses doubt made some great points including:

"Are those thoughts the first cracks in a process that'll send our faith crumbling? Relax. Everyone has doubts, and God is not surprised by them. Jesus didn't rebuke Thomas when the disciple needed to touch His wounds. Instead, He stretched out His hand and let Thomas figure things out himself. I'm comforted by Jude 22, which says, "Be merciful to those who doubt." I need to show that mercy to myself."

I also remembered an interesting way of describing how faith works from a sermon by Tim Keller.



Finally, I was thinking of another Sting song, All This Time, which I read is about a man who lost his father. Sting also lost his father and the songs on that album are mostly concerning his struggle to deal with that loss, perhaps asking these questions himself.

Is God fair? Is God silent? Is God hidden?


In the song, All This Time, part of the lyrics are:

And all this time the river flowed
Endlessly, like a silent tear
And all this time the river flowed
Father, if Jesus exists,
Then how come he never lived here

Sting is singing about a man who lost his father, a shipyard worker, echoing Sting's own loss, having grown up near shipyards. He seems to question traditional religion and expresses his doubts in the face of grief.

Is God fair? Is God silent? Is God hidden?

I am often taken by the thought of the endless rolling of waves, the ceaseless nature of God moving things towards His purposes and endings and beginnings that will take place. Even when days are good, the river flows...when days are bad...the river flows. It doesn't flow for even a moment according to my will. It flows whether I trust it to flow or not. The blog by Jason Boyett ends this way:

"As Christians, what we need to remember is this: Salvation doesn't come from our ability to erase every doubt from our minds. It doesn't come from how strong our faith is or by how much certainty we can muster up about God. Salvation comes not from anything we do, but from the work of Jesus on the cross. Jesus saves us — not the absence of doubt. That frees me up to stop worrying about my doubts. It frees me up to trust. It allows me to pray, in all seriousness, the desperate request of the father who asks Jesus to heal his ailing son: "Lord, I believe! Help me overcome my unbelief."

I try to tell myself often that even though we don't know the reasons for the events in our lives, we know the reasons they are not. Because of the cross, because of God's very personal intervention and rescue on our behalf, we know that whatever the reasons for things, they cannot be because He doesn't care or is not involved. He became intimately involved and His rescue was from the ultimate tragedy, the only real tragedy that would destroy us. The river flows daily, but not aimlessly, and not without destination...I keep telling myself.