gratiafied

Via Tullian

2011-10-03T12:57:00.002-05:00

The hidden gift of my failures is to end my self-deception. Nothing makes me more proud, judgmental, critical and pious than to think that I have gotten better and therefore...so should you! On the other hand, nothing makes me more forgiving, humble, encouraging and grateful than when I see myself without the rose-colored glasses and realize that I am loved, accepted and free from judgment and guilt.

Tullian Tjividjian wrote about this in a recent blog post.

Presumption Produces Self-Deception

“For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” (Galatians 6:3)

Last week in this post I made the point that regardless of how well I think I’m doing in the sanctification project or how much progress I think I’ve made since I first became a Christian, like Paul in Romans 7, when God’s perfect law becomes the standard and not “how much I’ve improved over the years”, I realize that I’m a lot worse than I fancy myself to be. Whatever I think my greatest vice is, God’s law shows me that my situation is much graver: if I think it’s anger, the law shows me that it’s actually murder; if I think it’s lust, the law shows me that it’s actually adultery; if I think it’s impatience, the law shows me that it’s actually idolatry (read Matthew 5:17-48).

We’ll always maintain a posture of suspicion regarding the radicality and hilarity of unconditional grace as long as we think we’re basically OK. Our presumption of “okayness” leads to a self-deception that robs us of the joy of our salvation and the undomesticated freedom that Christ paid so dearly to secure for sinners like me.

Martin Luther shows how probing the problem of presumption is and reveals that our so-called progress may not be as impressive as we think it is:

Presumption follows when a man sets himself to fulfill the Law with works and diligently sees to it that he does what the letter of the Law asks him to do. He serves God, does not swear, honors father and mother, does not kill, does not commit adultery, and the like. Meanwhile, however, he does not observe his heart, does not note the reason why he is leading such a good life. He does not see that he is merely covering the old hypocrite in his heart with such a beautiful life. For, if he looked at himself aright–at his own heart–he would discover that he is doing all these things with dislike and out of compulsion; that he fears hell or seeks heaven, if not also for more insignificant matters: honor, goods, health; and that he is motivated by the fear of shame or harm or diseases. In short, he would have to confess that he would rather lead a different life if the consequence of such a life did not deter him; for he would not do it merely for the sake of the Law. But because he does not see this bad reason, he lives on in security, looks only at the works, not into the heart, and so assumes that he is keeping the Law of God well. (Luther’s Works, St. Louis edition, 11:81 ff)

The Heidelberg Catechism also puts things in perspective:
Question 62: But why cannot our good works be the whole, or part, of our righteousness before God?

Answer: Because, the righteousness which can be approved of before the tribunal of God, must be absolutely perfect, and in all respects conformable to the divine law; and also, that our best works in this life are all imperfect and defiled with sin.

“At the cross”, says Gerhard Forde, “God stormed the last bastion of the self, the last presumption that you were going to do something for him.” Genuine freedom awaits all who stop trusting in their own work and start trusting in Christ’s work.

Where I Find Myself

2011-09-24T12:42:00.002-05:00

People in AA really do say all the cliché things I thought they said. I regularly hear ‘Hi, I am so and so and I’m an alcoholic.’ Awesome. And kind of funny. I had to kind of stifle a laugh when I first heard it and I regularly laugh in meetings, but then again I really, really LOVE to laugh about things that are at their core, quite serious. It is not that I don’t care, or am never serious myself…but I do find comfort in knowing there is nothing so ultimately serious that God hasn’t got it filed inside of His MyDocuments folder (btw I am convinced God uses a Mac but runs Windows on it like I do…kind of like he is neither a liberal or a conservative but something other entirely). That just made me think of an idea for a different post.

But anyway, there is something really fun, enjoyable and empowering about finding ‘yourself’ at the bottom of the proverbial barrel. At a crossroads, hitting the wall, rock bottom, up against it…all those kinds of things. Well, maybe fun and enjoyable aren’t the words to use in the middle of the experience, but there is something wonderful and freeing about it. And it is really cool to find that the barrel is full of (not monkeys) but lots of people…in fact I would describe it as where humanity resides.

And that is the greatest thing that I keep getting hit over the head with in AA…the human condition. And in AA there is a familiar formula for dealing with the problems of the human condition. Admit you are powerless and that you need God to save you. It sounded vaguely familiar to me when I heard it. It is something I keep coming back to, over and over again as I contemplate the things concerning AA and also as I contemplate the things concerning my faith…my beliefs about humanity…my beliefs about Jesus. I do a lot of things, I have read a lot of books, I have in some ways seemingly made a lot of progress…but if I want to know myself, if I want to be free, if I want to see things the way they really are, if I want Jesus…I have to be in the bottom of the barrel where God meets the people who need him.

An excerpt from Failure – The Back Door to Success by Erwin W. LutzerAn excerpt from Failure

Low Anthropology...I really need to be saved.

2011-07-27T20:05:00.002-05:00

I found in a review on Mockingbird (here) of Mark Galli's book God Wins, which is basically a response to Rob Bell's book Love Wins. I haven't read either book yet, but I find the subject interesting because it touches on my experience with both Christians and those who have left Christianity or are on the fringes. In general, too many in the church emphasize what we do as Christians and those who have left (often because of the demands of the 'do' people) emphasize the goodness of humans and a God who didn't have to die. Even my experience in AA, which I will write about more later, in which the first thing we do is admit our powerlessness to choose what is right and that we need God to save us (low anthropology), tends to drift back into our own strength and ability to be good. It's my own default tendency for sure.

I am interested in reading both books and I am sure I will buy them because I love buying books. When I will read them...that is another story:) I love the following quote and personally fall onto the side of low anthropology mostly because I have a memory and a mirror:)

“Isn’t that a choice, to trust in Christ? Yes and no…It is not my trust which reconciles God to me or me to God. It is the death and resurrection of Christ that reconcile God to me, and the faith empowered by the Holy Spirit that reconciles me to God…

And of course, we do not believe enough to be saved. Of course, selfishness rules our hearts in too many ways. Of course, we have doubts and confusion about God. It’s called sin. But the gospel calls us to stop looking at ourselves – at our doubts, our sins, and our choices. The Gospel says look to Christ…Faith includes a human response, but it isn’t the main point; the Savior is.” Mark Galli God Wins

Legalism: Wanting More Holiness vs Wanting More of Christ

2011-06-17T13:56:00.000-05:00

(1.) They differ in their complaints. The legalist will complain more for want of holiness than for want of Christ; seeing he hath taken up with self-righteousness, it is his all, it is his happiness, it is his husband, it is his God. But the language of the evangelical Christian, who is dead to the law, is, O for Christ! O for a day of power! O to be wrapt up in the covenant of grace! to get an omnipotent power, determining me to comply with the gospel-offer.

(2.) They differ as to their comforts, – the legalist finds comfort in law-works, even in all his extremities. In the prospect of trouble, who comforts him? Even this, that he hath done many good duties. He wraps himself in a garment of his own weaving. Upon challenges of conscience, what comforts him, and gives him peace? He even covers himself with the same robe. In the prospect of judgment, what comforts him, and gives him peace? Why, he hopes God will be merciful to him, because he hath had a good profession, and said many good prayers, and done many good duties; but a sorry peace-maker. The only thing that gives a believer peace and ease in these cases, is the law-abiding righteousness of Christ, under which he desires to shrowd himself. He flees to the blood of Jesus Christ, saying, O I am undone, unless my soul be wrapt up in the mantle of Christ’s perfect righteousness; upon this righteousness of Jesus, I venture my soul.

Ralph Erskine (1685-1752), Gospel Truth, pp. 292-293

VIA

Re-Posting the 'Pebble'....

2011-04-25T19:18:00.000-05:00

What We See

The burden to create an appearance that will receive approval and hopefully cheers from those who see us is exhausting.

What do WE see in us?

I thought about the Preacher in Ecclesiastes and what he said about...nearly everything. Vanity. "Can't get no satisfaction". "Still can't find what I'm looking for". That is what I see in me. There is an ongoing internal restlessness.

Now I am familiar with the popular preaching about that hole in us that only God can fill and when we let Him in we will find rest. This places a lot of confidence and weight upon our decision making powers. Furthermore God is a whole lot bigger than that hole in our what, soul? I mean do we think we are in control of everything in us but that place?

I do think that there is a kind of rest for those in Christ and a measure of peace to boot; however when I look at me I have to say, "not that I have already attained". Mastery of the internal conflicts with my feelings, thoughts and what I think I'm supposed to do are beyond my grasp.

So what do I see in me? Someone whose only hope is in Christ. A hope to which I turn again and again.

At the bottom of all my internal stuff is an old nature that I am powerless to finish off. But the One who said, "Come unto me..." also pronounced forgiveness..."neither do I condemn you". Only in Him do I find rest.

the eclectic pebble

Just Do Nothing?

2011-04-24T11:15:00.000-05:00

But the most excellent righteousness of faith, which God through Christ, without any works, imputes to us, is neither political, nor ceremonial, nor the righteousness of God's law, nor consists of works, but is contrary to these; that is to say, it is a mere passive righteousness, as the others are active. For in the righteousness of faith, we work nothing, we render nothing unto God, but we only receive, and suffer another to work in us, that is to say, God. This is a righteousness hidden in a mystery, which the world does not know. Indeed, Christians themselves do not thoroughly understand it, and can hardly take hold of it in their temptations. Therefore it must be diligently taught, and continually practiced.

Do we then do nothing? Do we do nothing at all for the obtaining of this righteousness? I answer, Nothing at all. For this is perfect righteousness, to do nothing, to hear nothing, to know nothing of the law, or of works, but to know and believe this only, that Christ is gone to the Father, and is not now seen; that He sits in heaven at the right hand of His Father, not as judge, but made unto us of God, wisdom, righteousness, holiness and redemption-briefly, that He is our high priest entreating for us, and reigning over us, and in us, by grace. In this heavenly righteousness sin can have no place, for there is no law; and where no law is, there can be no transgression (Romans 4: IS). Seeing then that sin has here no place, there can be no anguish of conscience, no fear, no heaviness. Therefore John says (l John 5: 18): "He that is born of God cannot sin."

~Martin Luther Introduction to Commentary on Galatians

People generally get upset at the idea of doing nothing as a Christian. But the idea here isn’t that ‘nothing’ will be done, but that nothing ‘needs’ to be done. Salvation is accomplished and even the perfecting of faith is done through faith. The ‘things’ that will be done are in response to this, they are indicative and never an imperative, that is, they are free responses from being loved, not obedience of law in order to produce works. The instant an ounce of law is added to the Gospel, it is no longer the Gospel. As for my own heart, it is clear when I am relying on my works…the telltale signs are bitterness, judgment of others and resentment towards those who aren’t working harder.

A Polluted River from Within

2011-04-20T00:44:00.004-05:00

That Which Defiles
1 Then some Pharisees and teachers of the law came to Jesus from Jerusalem and asked, 2 “Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? They don’t wash their hands before they eat!”
3 Jesus replied, “And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? 4 For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’[a] and ‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.’[b] 5 But you say that if anyone declares that what might have been used to help their father or mother is ‘devoted to God,’ 6 they are not to ‘honor their father or mother’ with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition. 7 You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you:

8 “‘These people honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
9 They worship me in vain;
their teachings are merely human rules.’[c]”

10 Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen and understand. 11 What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.”

12 Then the disciples came to him and asked, “Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?”

13 He replied, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. 14 Leave them; they are blind guides.[d] If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.”

15 Peter said, “Explain the parable to us.”

16 “Are you still so dull?” Jesus asked them. 17 “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? 18 But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20 These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.”

There is a sense that the "Christian Evangelical Religious World" has confined sin to those things and those choices that we make that are defined as wrong. They are like flotsam and jetsam that are left from the shipwreck of humanity and now, through Christ, we can clean up the mess. The Pharisees are more concerned with their traditions than the actual commandments of God and Jesus uses this to point out the difference between doing the right thing and the motives of the heart. Jesus seems to be saying that it is not merely a clean water that has pollution that we must now remove....he seems to be saying that the river is deeply polluted from its source. The human heart is utterly polluted and tending to the external defilement ignores the much deeper reality...sin isn't what you do....it is who you are. You aren't simply polluted by engaging in sin and clean by avoiding it....you are sin, it emanates from within us. We aren't defined by our sin as much as we ourselves define sin by the corruption of our hearts...all of us...completely.

Interesting wording...because he who knew no sin, became sin so that we might become the righteousness of God in him. It is not just an accomplishment of do's and don'ts that bring purity...and the Pharisees were offended by the idea.

No longer laughing.....

2011-04-13T05:26:00.002-05:00

There is something other-worldly about watching what some people are capable of doing. I am amazed by watching people perform physical and mental feats that seem so beyond me that I get a thrill from seeing it. It really is like a magic of some kind. My brother practiced magic when we were teenagers and I have a little insight into how it is done…very much a ‘how it is done’ thing, but make no mistake, it simply never works unless combined with physical and mental skill.

Check out this basketball player.... here

The physical thing is easier to get…like one basketball player dunking on another….I can just categorize that as a gift…a physical gift and I could never be expected to duplicate that, I mean, come on…and who would ever expect that from me? The intellectual thing…well, it is a little different in that we can say…well if you apply yourself…we might all do better, but still…clearly some have an advantage that is way beyond us.

But let’s talk Christian spirituality and how we live our lives and the tables suddenly are overturned and swapped faster than I can even recognize a Rubik’s cube. Failure to live up to the expectations of the life a Christian should be living, for many of us means to be stripped of your personal value, to be removed from the honor roll of the Christian life, and to be categorized as someone who simply isn’t applying what is clearly available for them to make better choices. ‘Better Choices’… it sounds like an Oprah Winfrey magazine…if only I could follow the recipe for a better life.

I have in the past kind of laughed at the idea that when we are told what we should do…we will then do the opposite. As in, via the Apostle Paul, I didn’t know coveting until the law told me not to covet. I don’t do the good I know that I should…and that other stuff that I should obviously not do…that is exactly what I do! Paul was saying…I don’t understand myself, my choices, my failures…my weakness.
I used to kind of laugh that we would choose to do the opposite of what we were told we must choose...and I still struggle to really believe that…but….I am no longer laughing. I am sad and mad at myself and the world because I have found that it is truer than I ever wanted it to be.
When confronted with the truth of my lack of humility, my lack of self-control, my lack of making the obviously right choices, my lack of letting go, my lack of love for others, my lack of honesty, my lack of repentance, my lack of dealing with my lack of dealing with my many lacks…I found I also lacked the ability to not run from my lacks and dive, swan-like with complete abandon, directly into those things that build and strengthen all of my lacks. When told what I lack, I run from what I know I should be, directly into what I should not be. And I do it with vigor and strength. I lack the ability to run to what I know is better. I run to what I know will only kill me. I love only what doesn't love me back.

There is something missing from this whole equation, but I am starting to learn that it is not a part of me...I only lack, I have no reservoir of not lacking. Something else has to be in the equation and I lack the ability to control that thing the way I wish to control myself. I can only place my hope in it...although I lack that as well.

Re-posting the 'Pebble'

2011-04-11T22:39:00.000-05:00

More from the sage that is the eclectic pebble. We walk in the garden of your turpulence:)

Small Cross, Soft Law

Well what in the world is that title? This is where I see the evangelical church today. It doesn't take a big shove to get us to move towards legalism; that is part of our nature to want something to do to demonstrate that at the core we are really not so bad. But we are seeing this move by some really prominent theologians as they direct us to a view of grace plus doing stuff to stay in God's favor.

The law, which rightly places us under a curse, is tamed by the idea that with grace a sincere desire is all that is necessary. "Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect". Jesus certainly did not mean perfection. Nobody can achieve that. So He must have meant "sincerely try". I mean really sincerely. Now we have grace and law holding hands as it were.

If that is true; that in any way we are going to be judged by God according to how sincere was our effort in this life then what about that bloody cross? Well, just as the law is softened the cross becomes minimized.
The focus has shifted:

From Jesus to us. That is the terrible state of the church today. A friendly law and a tiny cross.

the eclectic pebble.com

Music Love Monday....barely

2011-04-11T22:26:00.002-05:00

You don't really mean what you just said....do you?

2011-04-11T22:17:00.000-05:00

Jesus and the Elders ~ David Hayward
aka NakedPastor.com

“While the apostle Paul was not antinomian, he was very close to it. Just so, while the Reformation leaders were not antinomian, they were very close to it. Also, while the Christian Faith is by no means antinomian, it is very close to it. What’s the point? Paul would never have had to write a defense of his teaching on freedom if he had not been very close to heresy. Martin Luther would never have had to come back from Wartburg (where he was hiding) to straighten out the libertarians in Wittenburg if his teaching had not at least implied something close to what they were doing. The Christian faith would not have had to deal with the heresy of antinomianism unless there was something in it which seemed to imply that particular heresy. That brings me to a syllogism with two premises and a conclusion. Premise: The real Christian faith is close to antinomianism. Premise: A lot of modern day Christianity is not at all close to antinomianism. Conclusion: A lot of modern day Christianity is not real Christianity.”

Steve Brown, “When Being Good isn’t Good Enough”

Wendell Berry

2011-04-10T23:01:00.002-05:00

By expenditure of hope,
Intelligence, and work,
You think you have it fixed.
It is unfixed by rule.
Within darkness, all
Is being changed, and you
Also will be changed.

But won't you be ashamed
To count the passing year
At its mere cost, your debt
Inevitably paid?

For every year is costly,
As you know well. Nothing
Is given that is not
Taken, and nothing taken
That was not first a gift.

The gift is balanced by
Its total loss, and yet,
And yet the light breaks in,
Heaven seizing its moments
That are at once its own
And yours. The day ends
And is unending where
The summer tanager,
Warbler, and vireo
Sing as they move among
Illuminated leaves.

Wendell Berry

Criticism = Judgment...be careful....

2011-04-10T05:09:00.005-05:00

This is a typical preaching of God’s Judgment, and it is very serious.

For most so-called Christians, the idea of "knowing the terror of the Lord" sounds strange, perhaps even blasphemous. The reason for such a reaction against God's Word is that such "Christians" are either not aware of this passage of scripture, or else they have a false view of Christ.
Their "Christ" is probably something like a "jolly old Santa Claus" who has a big bag of goodies to give them when they die, no matter how wickedly they lived their lives while on in the world.
If you have such a false view of Christ, then you need to repent and trust the real Jesus, not "another Jesus" (such the one you now believe in). You need to trust the real Jesus, the Jesus who is up in Heaven, the Jesus who is sitting at the right hand of God on His throne.
If you are not a Christian, then you need to become one. If you are a Christian, then you will stand before the Judgment Throne of Christ. Do you know "the terror of the Lord"? Paul knew of this great terror. In fact, Paul was the human author of this very passage of scripture.
The good Christians of the past also knew of this terror of the Lord. Such good Christians of the past worked hard for Christ because they loved Him and because they knew that they would stand before Christ at the Judgment to give an account of those things they did or did not do for Christ in this life.
A famous Christian once said, "Only one life, 'twill soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last." Your "wood, hay, and stubble" will all be burned up in that day. The endless hours of television and pleasure pursuits will be burned up that day. Your "good works" which you did to be seen by other people will all be burned up as well. Only what you actually did for Jesus Himself will not be burned at the Judgment.

Have you actually worked for Christ -- for Christ alone? Or will you instead be naked before Jesus on that day? Will you be saved as if "by fire", with all your works burned up?

The one thing this little essay does, is it preaches the Law really well…boy, does it! It questions your faith in the real Christ, and then questions and judges your works, and then places you in judgment, even if you have done good works, but NOT for Jesus…sorry…not good enough.

The problem with this…is that…I kind of agree with this! This is a pretty good concept of what Judgment looks like….don’t be fooled into thinking you are not guilty because you did your best, don’t be fooled into thinking God loves and has no justice etc etc. And this is a HUGE topic in Christian circles right now, let me tell you. But Christians today have a bigger problem than dispensing the law…I think we actually do that quite well. And however the Law is given…it is only received by a heart that pains from guilt…but that is another thing altogether.

The BIG problem I have and every Christian should have with this message…is that the Gospel is completely absent…as if it didn’t exist. No Santa Claus Christ…but then again….no suffering Christ on the Cross either. No easy ticket for easy grace…but then again….NO GRACE AT ALL! This is not only a false gospel…this is the ultimate wolf in sheep’s clothing…or maybe a sheep in wolf’s clothing…or actually…a wolf in wolf’s clothing. Nobody has a chance in HELL if this is all we get. Not a chance. This is a great description of God’s wrath upon sin…but it totally neglects to add the rest of the New Testament, where Paul also talks about “He who knew no sin, became sin , so that in Him we would become the righteousness of God”.

Christians love one thing, because all humans love this…to judge other people. Even when you are saved, totally by grace…there is still the…”yes, but…” that we use to reign in our fellow saints so that they don’t get carried away. But if we lose that freedom, if we lose the Grace part of the Gospel, if we lose that Christ SUFFERED FOR ME so that I would know the riches of God’s mercy and forgiveness…we LOSE EVERYTHING and we then put ourselves under exactly what this person says in preaching nothing but the law. If that is our path….then we ALL LOSE! And that face of terror should really be our demeanor…unless there is another way.

The problem for christians is that we often see the truth of Judgment, and then feel we need to dispense this knowledge upon our fellow, less obedient christian bro's and sisters. But we forget the grace part, and our judgment becomes mere criticism that only buries us deeper into the law, and pushes aside the Gospel which is the part that saves. Nobody comes to obey the law by knowing the law...but they come trusting and loving the One who forgives them when it is done with grace and acceptance....you might want better than that for yourself and for others...but you won't get it. Just try testing your own heart once in while...you'll get the idea.

For me, all I have to do is see how good other people are compared to me...if I can't do what they do, what makes me think my works will mean anything to a perfect God? So when people came to Jesus and asked "What do I have to do to have eternal life?" He always told them to be perfect and love others as yourself....so how are you doing in that area? Really? Are you sure, or do you need another way....a gracious way? Go ahead...measure yourself.

God's will is that you stop trying to know his will....

2011-04-08T04:42:00.003-05:00

We always want to know...what is God's will and where is He leading me? God's Will is something that is not a thing to be grasped...if you think that He will not lead you towards failure...think again...if you think being a Christian involves figuring out what He wants you to do and then doing it...think again. If you think you can bend your own will to match His will...think again. The will of the Father is more chaotic and less dependent upon you than you probably think. Jesus very clearly prayed to avoid the suffering that was before him, but He also gave His life, trusting the will of the Father.

BUT....and here is the important thing. Jesus did not follow the will of the Father to just give us an example of how we should live our lives. Jesus followed the will of the Father to do what not one of us can ever do. He followed and obeyed his father, because it was exactly what we are not capable of doing. The will of God is based upon this and this only, that Jesus died and that He who knew no sin became sin so that in Him we would become the righteousness of God. Not that we would figure out His will for our lives, or that we would accomplish His will for us....but that His will for us is accomplished in what Jesus did for us on the cross.

So.....in a nutshelll...stop trying to do what Jesus did....seriously, it is not necessary, and recognize that He did what you and I are not able to do....and be thankful that He did it. And when you break bread and drink the wine of His sacrifice...be thankful, because the will of God was fulfilled in the life and death of Jesus. And if you make a half-court shot...awesome...but in the words of the immortal Han Solo...'Great kid! Don't get cocky!" Here are a few examples....

Rejection (Music) Friday...without the music....

2011-04-08T02:36:00.002-05:00

Wow...I feel for this guy. And although this is supposed to be Music Friday on Gratiafied...I want to point out that rejection is a very real and important part of knowing your need of salvation. Think on that and the rejection shown in this video that in a small way reflects the rejection that you will never feel.

Pink Shirts and knowing Who I am...

2011-04-07T23:41:00.001-05:00

An interesting Mockingbird Post discusses the reality of modern social life on the internet and the reality of....reality. It boils down to knowing who you are and being appropriately appalled by yourself, even if you find yourself irretrievably exposed...or wearing a pink shirt and watching yourself on youtube. I know I am appalled.

Music Friday on Thursday

2011-03-31T01:43:00.000-05:00

I am leaving for NY tomorrow to attend the Mockingbird Conference and to, let's face it, have fun in NY. I just wrote this little thing tonight whle packing.

Sorry About That

2011-03-27T14:44:00.015-05:00

"I am so sorry"...it is a phrase that is almost a cultural flagship for those people who take advantage but are never really sorry. I don't know if the phrase means anything when so many use it to manipulate. But I think it should mean something...and we should all have that opportunity. And the reason is that we all have need to say it. It should be that instead of expecting people to behave in a way that they never feel need to say this phrase, we should have a culture that accepts and encourages a freedom and openness for people to say this. Because the reality of the world we live in is that we all have need to be able to say this to those around us.

Being sorry is an admission of failure, an admission of less than success. An admission that that you have fallen short of the goals you have set even for yourself. An admission that at some point you have placed your own self ahead of someone else. Who, in the world, can say that they don't need to learn and use the skill of saying "I am so sorry"? No, this is a world in which the "I am sorry" flows like water, but has little depth and receives little reception. The "I am sorry" should be deep and from the heart and recognize the depth of self-righteousness that our actions have embraced.

But the acceptance of the "I am sorry" has an equal and also difficult task....it is to recognize equal individual failure and to empathize with the one who has need of this phrase and to forgive always means to absorb the pain of the actions of the one who is sorry. The ability to be sorry in the right way, and to forgive in the right way, if you really see it in the way that it should be...it is beyond us all. The cry of 'Have mercy on me Son of David' is a cry of sorry that is a "I am so sorry" that the disciples walked right past. It sounds callous when read, but imagine the situation in your own daily life....the relative who always says he is sorry but never cleans up his act...the man on the corner who is always there doing his thing and being less than he should be. The co-worker who always takes advantage when he has the chance and then cries sorrow when his plans for himself fail to succeed. None of these people can claim they should not be sorry....and yet....their pathetic cry was completely ignored by the disciples, and I would suggest, most of us would have done the same. But it was not ignored by Jesus, no it was a call that rang out to him and stopped him in his tracks, hallelujah...it pulled him immediately aside, and His heart went out to those who simply called out to Him. What a distinction and what a Saviour.

But don't worry too much if you are like the disciples and not like Jesus. Because that is the whole point of the Gospel. We won't ever do this like He did, but we can appreciate and be thankful and we can use this phrase to the hilt with him, because he will respond to our cry. And believe me, when nobody else will, he will turn towards you.
"I am so sorry" doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be received by someone who can actually do the business of forgiveness, who is willing and able to absorb the cost. Something we collectively don't do very well...and we should be sorry for that. But when we fail at this, and we all will, we should be reminded that we all cry for that forgiveness that we don't deserve. And only one person actually gives it in spite of our less than adequate cries of 'I am sorry'.

Robin Hood, a tale about the Law and Freedom

2011-03-26T01:12:00.003-05:00

In times of tyranny and injustice, when law oppresses the people, the outlaw take his place in history....

Robin Hood is one of my all time favorite movies...and I am referring to the recent incarnation with Russell Crowe as the bow wielding Englishman who dares to stand up to the Crown and begins to learn his own true identity just as he is discovering his beliefs about freedom and liberty. The story takes us to the incarnation of Robin Hood the myth, which, historically speaking, is a very questionable character whose origins are, in reality, an amalgamation of many freedom loving rebels that existed during several hundred years of history. There is no real Robin Hood, but only some vague accounts of men who have taken on this role and given the moniker based upon a more fantastic persona than perhaps a real one. We will likely never really know, except to acknowledge that this persona did exist....and his cry for freedom was felt enough to maintain the idea that Robin Hood represented the real needs of an oppressed people. Real or not, the legend is the legend, and this one pays attention to the humble beginnings.

What is so attractive to me as a christian, a believer in Christ...is that if anything is needed by us all, it is a Robin Hood who has the ability to take on the Law, overcome it and free the people who live under its oppression. Like Christ, Robin Hood represents a Saviour from oppression....one who removes the demands of the Law that is killing the people of the land. Unlike this Robin Hood, Jesus saves us from a JUST Law, but nevertheless, a Law that oppresses us in that we can never fulfill it on our own. In fact, if the Law is not seen as oppressive and condemning, it will not be necessary for Robin Hood or Jesus to save the people... that is why I love the opening line... when law oppresses the people...because that is what Robin is doing, and that is what Jesus has done. In Robin Hood we see Jesus taking on the ultimate principalities of justice, absorbing the penalty of the Law...and freeing an oppressed and helpless people. The Law is just, but the people are doomed. Long Live Robin Hood.

Failure at Work

2011-03-25T00:57:00.003-05:00

Now one of the Pharisees was requesting Him to dine with him. And He entered the Pharisee’s house, and reclined at the table. And behold, there was a woman in the city who was a sinner; and when she learned that He was reclining at the table in the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster vial of perfume, and standing behind Him at His feet, weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears, and kept wiping them with the hair of her head, and kissing His feet, and anointing them with the perfume. Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet He would know who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, that she is a sinner.” And Jesus answered and said to him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.” And he replied, “Say it, Teacher.” “A certain moneylender had two debtors: one owed five hundred denarii and the other fifty. “When they were unable to repay, he graciously forgave them both. Which of them therefore will love him more?” Simon answered and said, “I suppose the one whom he forgave more.”

And He said to him, “You have judged correctly.”

And turning toward the woman, He said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has wet My feet with her tears, and wiped them with her hair. “You gave Me no kiss, but she, since the time I came in, has not ceased to kiss My feet. “You did not anoint My head with oil, but she anointed My feet with perfume. “For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.” And He said to her, “Your sins have been forgiven.” And those who were reclining at the table with Him began to say to themselves, “Who is this man who even forgives sins?”

I read this and think that the woman has found love and has learned how to love, and Simon has failed. It isn't that he isn't trying, or rejecting Jesus point blank....he is interested in what he has to say. But he wants an economical, intellectual approach to Jesus that is connected to his own works....his own goodness, his own fullfillment of duty. Jesus plainly tells him that it is only when he gives up on the worth of his works and sees the deep need of forgiveness that he has, will he find love.

This scene from the Remains of the Day shows a man who is content with the work he has done and has his priority on fulfilling his duties in order to be content, but in doing so,to his great regret later on, he has, like Simon, ironically missed the love that was right there in his presence.

Reposting the 'Pebble'

2011-03-24T20:26:00.001-05:00

The Eclectic Pebble posted on the 3rd use of the Law, and since I liked it...I am reposting it here. I think he is right on and I would also add that when christians use the Law to measure, they invariably end up measuring others most of the time.

Law and Assurance

Before I launch missles at the 3rd use of the Law let me reflect that my theological ground is Old Princeton with men I honor such as Charles Hodge, B.B. Warfield, G. Vos (genius) and Gresham Machen. I love these theologians.

But for the 3rd use of the Law? What is that anyhow? Well it is the law that has been christianized. It is the moral code (big ten) with no curse. It is law with no increase in transgression. It is law without death. Law that has been tamed so that as long as we are sincere...

When this 3rd use of the law (read how am I doing as a christian) is applied as a measure of growth it does one of two things. It can be used as merit badges or it discourages and frustrates.

The purpose of the law is always to drive us to our Savior Jesus. The Old Testament is a history of a failure to please God by law. It was then and is now about grace and trust.

How in this world with our crooked hearts could we ever look into the mirror of the law and walk away with the notion "wow I have really come a long way".

Towards the end of his life the great Apostle Paul said, "I am the chief of sinners". He looked at the law and knew he had no hope, no growth apart from the perfection of his Savior.

Growing in grace is not about self-improvement.

I don't think our assurance can ever be in minimizing the cross and softening the law. The law kills, grace makes alive. Any concerns we have about our "growth" should be examined by the law and then run with great speed to Jesus who says, "no condemnation". We just might get a little better. But who can really tell for sure?

The Eclectic Pebble

Christless Moralism for Jesus

2011-03-23T21:31:00.002-05:00

If there is one thing I have learned (and it truly may be only one thing....not the best learner) it is that when you say something is free, nobody wants to believe it, and it makes them angry. It really makes people angry when you suggest that being a good person is not the primary objective of Christianity. And it really, really makes them angry if you suggest that they might not be getting much better than they were.

The other day, I heard someone at my front door. I knew, because my dog had a conniption and tore through the house like a bat out of hell to greet them. When I pried him off the door, and stepped out on the front porch, I was greeted warmly by a young, tan, good looking young man who easily was in 3 decades better shape than I was and had a smile to boot. He offered his hand to me and said that he lived nearby, had done two tours of duty in Iraq, was going to a local college and was offering his service to work on people's yards. I already pay some guy to cut every inch of green life from my yard every few weeks, so I declined. I asked for his card, and he left, still wearing his smile. His card had a link on it which I followed and read his story of a life of rejection and ridicule as a young man, drinking and addiction and then enlisting and going through a military service. Now home, he is dedicated and serving God and people, and this is one of the ways that he does it. I immediately felt awed and inspired by this guy, and at the same time, I couldn't help but look in the mirror and see someone who was definitely NOT this guy.

I really and truly hope to become that kind of guy. But if I don't become him....what then? And what is wrong with me? What am I not doing, or how am I failing to not be like this guy?

Well, if I read through the accounts of people who encountered Jesus, I am struck by how Jesus was drawn to people who were asking those same questions that I ask. People who felt like complete failures...people who knew better, but did worse. And the real kicker....I have know about Jesus a lot longer than this guy has. So what am I missing?

One of the stories concering Jesus that I love is the story of Jesus and Simon, the Pharisee. Simon invites Jesus to his home, I guess he didn't get the memo from the other Pharisees. But when Jesus is adored and touched by a woman who was a prostitute, Simon is aghast that this guy is allowing this woman to touch him. Jesus then explains to Simon the principles of love and forgiveness in a way that only the Son of God can do. At the end of reading this, for me, I realize that I don't love Jesus the way that the woman does...I am much more concerned about my own level of performance and standing and growth and sanctification and that I am just as judgmental about people and their own standing and how I can accept and love them. In other words, I clearly see my love being like that of Simon and not the prostitute. This should worry me...this should shake the ideas I have about the bible and the moral stories and lessons that it contains. Simon knew the lessons, he knew all of the things he was supposed to know...Simon applied the lessons to his life much, much better than the woman. But Jesus basically said, Simon you don't get it..and you better figure it out...and then he simply turned his love and compassion towards the woman.

Scripture is of no use to us if we read it merely as a handbook for daily living without recognizing that its principle purpose is to reveal Jesus Christ and his gospel for the salvation of sinners. All Scripture coalesces in Christ, anticipated in the OT and appearing in the flesh in the NT. In Scripture, God issues commands and threatens judgment for transgressors as well as direction for the lives of his people. Yet the greatest treasure buried in the Scriptures is the good news of the promised Messiah. Everything in the Bible that tells us what to do is “law”, and everything in the Bible that tells us what God has done in Christ to save us is “gospel.” Much like medieval piety, the emphasis in much Christian teaching today is on what we are to do without adequate grounding in the good news of what God has done for us in Christ. “What would Jesus do?” becomes more important than “What has Jesus done?” The gospel, however, is not just something we needed at conversion so we can spend the rest of our Christian life obsessed with performance; it is something we need every day–the only source of our sanctification as well as our justification. The law guides, but only the gospel gives. We are declared righteous–justified–not by anything that happens within us or done by us, but solely by God’s act of crediting us with Christ’s perfect righteousness through faith alone.

Michael Horton ~ Christless Christianity

Don't go changin'

2011-03-23T20:17:00.004-05:00

I know you have head this song before, but watch it anyway.

This is almost too easy...if the subject of this blog is about love without condition...this is the song to exemplify that idea. Of course, we can all laugh at this because we know he is singing about something that is ridiculous, something he didn't do in his life....something none of us do. But that is the point. He is talking about how we should be...about a love we all need...but are all incapable of giving. Sometimes we come close to that, but then again, not really. But it is worth singing about, isn't it?

This next song is from one of my favorite movies....this scene can be very easily misconstrued to be about physical love, when (if you watch the movie or at least this clip) it is actually about a love that transcends that more superficial kind of love and is about a deeper love that goes beyond that simple idea....and that is the love that loves whether you change or not. I once heard the quote that ' Jesus loves us too much to leave us the way we are.'

Frankly, that is a horrible way to describe God's love for us. If anybody else loved us that way we would be and are offended. With all due respect to that idea...Jesus loves us whether we change or not. He loves us so much that whether we change or not makes no difference...like the song says, 'Just the way we are'...and He is the ONLY one who loves us that way. And if He doesn't love us that way, believe me, NOBODY does!

In this next video clip, let me explain what is going on here. This video clip is from the movie Moulin Rouge...which is a story about love...in fact it is about a love that is closer to how God loves us than the other kinds of love that we generally experience. We are shown the physical love that Satine (Nicole Kidman) is accustomed to and expects. Ewan McGregor's character, Christian, balks at this love but instead expresses his true love for Satine in the gift of song which overwhelmes her. When he first breaks into song, you can almost feel her heart breaking from the cold, fake love that she was used to into the presence of a warm, romantic, truly deep love that she had never felt before. This sets the stage for the rest of the movie.

Unfortunately, most of us are either stuck in the Satine love that she is used to, or we are rejected when we attempt to offer the true love that we want to give, but know that we fall short. In either case, sometimes the best we can do is what Joe Fox said to Kathleen Kelly...'If only...'

Say to them:

2011-03-23T10:06:00.001-05:00

The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.

Monday Love

2011-03-21T09:37:00.000-05:00

Bennett Rabeiga is a song-writer/musician friend of mine who has been performing, playing, writing and producing music in Central Pennsylvania for over twenty years. Bennett has just released his first solo album in over 15 years, entitled "World Keeps Turning", a great title and fits with this theme here.

For Monday Love, I thought his rendition of this song "Love's Gonna Live Here" was perfect. It can be so easy to look down or look backwards, but we do have a hope that enables us to also look forwards.

Steve Brown ~ Grace

2011-03-15T05:18:00.000-05:00

Go to my YouTube account here and check out the rest of this talk.

Mythbusting....the Jesus Way

2011-03-10T17:58:00.002-06:00

Someone once told me they were going to choose to do something good for someone when they really wanted to do the opposite. I jokingly said, then you might as well do the other thing. The response was a vehemently defensive, NO, that would be perpetuating the brokenness!

My point was that, yes, if we have self-control and make better choices, we will have a more pleasant world with less Jeffrey Dahmers...but even if the world was full of Mother Teresa's, it would still be a condemned, sinful doomed world that needed Jesus (God no less) to live and die the death that we "Mother Teresa's" should have lived. The brokenness of the world isn't healed by our making good choices, it runs too deeply in our blood...it isn't something you can fix by changing your actions. It is so deep that you need to die and be born again. If you don't get that concept deeply about who you are and the true need of the world, you will feel like the Pharisees felt when Jesus frustrated them by not patting them on the back for all that they did, but instead went off to show compassion for those who are the worst of us. I think Jesus knew the myth that needs busting.

From The Eclectic Pebble

More About Control

Wyona tells me that if I could control me the way I want to control everybody else....well shucks, controlling others has never, ever worked.

Now I'm not changing the subject here but consider this. Jesus did not fit well with the Judaism of His day. Anytime He had occasion to confront the most influential members of 2nd Temple Judaism He was very exasperated. No faithful, God fearing, law abiding religious Jew of Jesus' day would ever be caught dead being the friend of sinners.

The religious leaders hated Jesus because he was the friend of sinners.

Adding to that was Jesus' audacity to fly in the face of sabbath, the lynch pin of 2nd Temple Judaism.

Everybody from the poor to the rich, from fastidious law keeper to flagrant law breaker were stunned by the acts and overcome by the words of Jesus.

Jesus taught and demonstrated that the best,in human terms, and the worst were all out of control. Jesus did not view our restraint as worthy of anything. He taught that if we've thought evil we are out of control. To hate another is murder; lust is adultery. Our problem is an out of control heart.

Who can control himself? If self-control could be obtained by strict adherence to methods Jesus could have stayed home. We already had rules. They did not change us.

But what if there is another way to the heart besides more rules? hmm

Monday Love

2011-03-07T03:14:00.002-06:00

A new thing here, I want to have Monday be dedicated to the concept of love, or being loved unconditionally. Actually, I want to dedicate it to the idea that being loved unconditionally is the only thing that will enable me to love others unconditionally. Actually, I want to dedicate it to the idea that I am loved unconditionally because of what Jesus has done for me, and the only way I grow to love others unconditionally is knowing that He loves me whether I grow at loving others unconditionally or not. Actually, I want to dedicate it to the idea that I may or may not grow at loving others unconditionally, but the Gospel tells me that because of what Jesus has done for me, I am loved unconditionally anyway.

Yes, that is it. I am so often not faithful to Him, but He is always faithful to me. I may not ever be that Samaritan that I would like to be, but I think the point is that Jesus IS that Samaritan to me. I may not ever change in the ways I would like to, but Jesus became my change for me. I may not fix the things that are wrong with me even though I truly want to, but God says that His grace is sufficient for me.

Personally, I have failed at a marriage, failed at relationships and seem to find ways to self-destruct. Honestly, it sure doesn't feel like growth...and certainly not very good at loving unconditionally. But I think when you grow, you grow in grace...His grace, and it feels more like parts of me are dying off....like the parts of me that are so concerned about my own growth...ironic, isn't it?

So here is some Monday Love that I hope is a reminder of His love through the cost of the cross and the life and death of Jesus.

Don't go changing...

2011-03-03T00:53:00.029-06:00

I know you have head this song before, but watch it anyway.

You probably think this Psalm is about you.....

2011-03-02T21:19:00.000-06:00

This episode of The White Horse Inn (click the link to listen) is discussing something that to me is epidemic in American Churches. Of course you should pay attention to me...because I am important...and what I have to say is important...and...I am...well...I guess I am a good example of narcissism all by myself. But in spite of my hypocrisy (which is ever-present) I really do think this is an important point for anybody who believes in Christ and reads the bible. For whatever reason you read the bible, if you are not insane...you do hope to get something from it that has to do with you personally and how it possibly affects your life. I think the danger for ALL of us is that we drift towards using scripture as a divine lesson in morality. This becomes a major problem in the hands of immoral people who need a Saviour and instead tweak out the steps towards becoming a better person. Be careful, because the opposite is to say that I don't care about being a better person and therefore can be judged in all sorts of ways. But that is the trap...when you become moralistic about the bible...you become moralistic about everything...and then critical, and then judgemental...and then the bible becomes a moral guide and a tool to judge others. Thank God the bible isn't that, I couldn't take it. I'll end this post with a very cool quote from Paul Zahl..."Judgement Kills, Grace makes Alive!"

Mr. Bojangles Shoes

2011-02-28T14:30:00.002-06:00

The last post led to this song (thinking about worn out shoes) and I thnk Sammy was the best at it. This is kind of the story behind the song, originally written by Jerry Walker.

Walker has said he was inspired to write the song after an encounter with a street performer in a New Orleans jail and does not refer to the famous stage and movie personality Bill "Bojangles" Robinson. Walker said while in jail for public intoxication in 1965, he met a homeless white man who called himself "Mr. Bojangles" to conceal his true identity from the police. He had been arrested as part of a police sweep of indigent people that was carried out following a high-profile murder. The two men and others in the cell chatted about all manner of things, but when Mr. Bojangles told a story about his dog, the mood in the room turned heavy. Someone else in the cell asked for something to lighten the mood, and Mr. Bojangles obliged with a tap dance.

This is Sammy talking about the song...

We all Ride that Bull in some way or another...

2011-02-28T13:41:00.004-06:00

I think the chasm that lies between Religion and the Gospel often has to do with shoes. Yes, the old saying...walk a mile in my shoes...we all know this concept. Religion separates those who are doing right (or have the right answers) with those who have done wrong (or who have the wrong answers). Now, I do believe in truth and the presuppositions of scripture that define what I believe. But I also believe that that same truth tells me that I walk in the same shoes as everybody else. Too often, in the search for answers, Religion becomes all about how you walk and the shoes you wear. The Gospel calls you to wear worn out shoes that are as badly worn as everybody else's shoes...and requires that you walk in them even if you have all the answers. Ultimately, the idea is that Jesus walked in our shoes, knows us and died for us anyway. The concept of walking in another person's shoes is really about not judging others, even those who are missing the truth.

A quick example. I once sat in a room with a group of Southern Baptist Seminary students when a kind of racy Burger King ad came on the tv. One of the girls went on and on about boycotting Burger King and declaring the absolute wrongness and sin portrayed in the ad. She was, to say the least, being very judgemental because she felt she had the answers and the truth. In some ways, she did. But, she was not walking in their shoes at all, in fact her shoes were so squeaky clean that they probably never touched the floor. She had answers but she could not have been more wrong, or more judgemental or more Religious.

This is not the same ad, but same kind of thing.

This kind of judgemental approach to life, invariably leads to this kind of attitude towards suffering, and the unknown in life.

“The book of Job is not only a witness to the dignity of suffering and God’s presence in our suffering but also our primary biblical protest against religion that has been reduced to explanations or “answers”. Many of the answers that Job’s so called friends give him are technically true. But it is the “technical” part that ruins them. They are answers without personal relationship, intellect without intimacy…On behalf of all of us who have been misled by the platitudes of the nice people who show up to tell us everything is going to be all right if we simply think such and such and do such and such, Job issues an anguished rejoinder. He rejects the kind of advice and teaching that has God all figured out, that provides glib explanations for every circumstance. Job’s honest defiance continues to be the best defense against the cliches of positive thinkers and the prattle of religious small talk.”

Eugene Peterson

Some of us do our dancing on the inside....others.....

2011-02-27T09:14:00.000-06:00

Now turn to the left....

2011-02-26T23:46:00.001-06:00

Being a Christian has some pretty serious implications...first and foremost it means you declare yourself guilty...you admit that you are not better than anybody else and you humbly love all others without looking down upon them because you know what a wretch you are. Or at least, that is the way it is supposed to work...if we could love others that way.

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 18:9-14

You call that a leaf???

2011-02-26T10:47:00.002-06:00

I took a picture of a leaf, so I thought I'd come up with something to use the picture....so here goes.

The phrase 'turning over a new leaf', according to the internet, is from the 16th century and referred to the turning of a page, literally an actual leaf. Often this is used to describe major change, transformation, a reversal of one's character. Recently, I listened to this discussion on the White Horse Inn (if I got the right talk) and they mentioned the idea of being born again as Jesus told Nicodemus. Similar to the new leaf thing, it is easy to see this and then ask, 'How can I be born again?' as if it is something we can accomplish if we simply know how. The new leaf, the change, the transformation, being born again are things accomplished by God through the life and death of Christ. More and more, I believe that the transformation that is taking place in me, is not becoming a shiny, green vibrant leaf...but a person who humbly recognizes the decaying, decrepit status of me as a leaf...knowing who I am and then turning to Christ and seeing by grace that someday I will be wholly that new leaf. A promise so true I am hidden in Him, and at the same time I am humbled by the truth about myself and my leafy neediness.

Now some cool quotes!

"I think the secret of Christian growth in the gospel is that we only begin to mature spiritually as we stop obsessing over our need to mature spiritually. I know that’s counter-intuitive, but so is the gospel!" Tullian Tchuvidjian

"The other thing is the whole business of “transformation.” I notice how often that word comes up—our lives can be transformed, our churches can be transformed, our culture can be transformed. We imagine if we do everything right according to what the New Testament teaches us, that things will be completely changed. And if they aren’t completely changed, I’ve either bet my life on something that’s not true, or the Gospel itself is not true." Mark Galli

"blessed is the person who knows his own weaknesses, because awareness of this becomes for him the foundation and beginning of all that is good and beautiful. for whenever someone realizes and perceives that he is truly weak… he becomes all the more watchful of his soul.
...but no one can perceive his own weakness unless he has been remiss a little, has neglected some small thing, has been surrounded by trials, either on the matter of things which cause the body suffering, or in that way in which the soul is subject to selfish bondage (the passions). only then, by comparing his own weakness, will he realize how great is the assistance which comes from God.
...when someone is aware that he is in need of divine help, he makes many prayers, and once he has made supplication, his heart is humbled, for there is no one who is in need and asks who is not humbled. a broken and humbled heart God will not despise.
...as long as the heart is not humbled it cannot cease from wandering; for humility concentrates the heart.”

St. Isaac the Syrian

A handful of sand, thrown into the sea, is what sinning is, when compared to God’s Providence and mercy. Just like an abundant source of water is not impeded by a handful of dust, so is the Creator’s mercy not defeated by the sins of His creations. St Isaac the Syrian

Down the rabbit hole.....

2011-02-24T22:13:00.001-06:00

"The hurrier I go, the behinder I get." the white rabbit. I have never read it, but this quote is attributed to the white rabbit from Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. It sounds funny, but considering how hurrier the rabbit is, we kind of believe he is behind.

I can remember hearing somebody describe someone they worked with as someone who was really busy and moved really fast....but they still seemed to never get anything done. I think we all know how that can work....you can be busy as a bee and still find yourself behind the eight ball. I guess that is where the phrase work smarter, not harder has some truth to it. So even in the practical world of 'be productive or be run over'...there is some logic that suggests it isn't such a simple equation.

Mark Galli of Christianity Today answers a question on Mockingbird blog as follows...

There was a lot of heated response to your recent column, "The Scandal of the Public Evangelical." You said that being sanctified in this life is mostly about becoming increasingly aware of just how much we are, as the Book of Common Prayer says, “miserable offenders” and there “is no health in us.” Essentially, realizing how bad we are, and the immensity of God's grace, and simply relying on that. Some people loved it, some hated it. One guy called it “appalling grace.” Why are people so heated in their response to this?

I just keep on coming back to Luther’s truth that we are simultaneously justified and sinners. I keep on looking at my own life, and at church history, and I realize that when the Gospel talks about transformation, it can’t possibly mean an actual, literal change in this life of a dramatic nature, except in a few instances. It must be primarily eschatological; it must be referring to the fact that we will in fact be changed. The essential thing to make change possible has occurred—Christ died and rose again. (And in this life we will see flashes of that, just like in Jesus’ ministry there were moments when the Kingdom broke in and we see a miracle. And these moments tell us there is something better awaiting for us and God is gracious enough at times to allow a person or a church or a community to experience transformation at some level.) But we can’t get into the habit of thinking that this dramatic change is normal, this side of the Kingdom. What’s normal this side of the Kingdom is falling into sin (in big or small ways), and then appropriating the grace of God and looking forward to the transformation to come.

Now, some people would say that it’s depressing that I can’t change. Well, it’s not depressing, it’s freeing! It’s depressing and oppressive to think every morning that I somehow have to be better than I was the day before to justify my Christian religion and to justify my faith. That’s the oppressive thing. The freeing thing is to realize that I am a sinner and God has accepted me as such. And yes, of course we're called to strive and be better and to love and all those things—duh!—that’s not the issue. The issue is the motive out of which that comes and what we actually expect to happen as a result of that.

A lot of this is driven by my own personal spiritual journey and is hammered home by the biblical message, and something that Luther got really well: the harder I try to be a good Christian, I notice the worse Christian I am: more self-righteous, more impatient, more frustrated. But when I stop trying to be a good Christian and just realize I am a sinner and that God has accepted me, and that’s the way it is, that, for some reason, releases the striving part of me that makes life harder, and all of a sudden I find myself, surprisingly, more patient, more compassionate, less judgmental and more joyful. So I think that kind of personal experience is a merely reflection of what the Gospel truth is. And those moments when I experience that, that’s wonderful.

The Chicken or the Egg...

2011-02-23T20:43:00.002-06:00

'The Church doesn't create the Gospel...the Gospel creates the Church' I just heard this phrase on a White Horse Inn podcast...The Strategic Plan. The subject being tackled in this series of podcasts is the kingdom and mission and how this happens, or has happened. I tried to find a phrase that kind of put this concept into a nutshell (or in this case an eggshell for a nut like me)....I like those kind of things, because I get bored easily and want to have something as supremely simple and to the point so that I can to make sense of things that are very complex. And I think God is ultimately complex but offers some simpliciy for us from time to time.

The Gospel is insanely complex and incredibly simple at the same time. And the reason I like this phrase, 'The Church doesn't create the Gospel...the Gospel creates the Church' is that it addresses a huge problem for those who are christians, which is that we think the status of the Gospel hinges upon us and how capable we are in 'living it'...'showing it and 'getting others to live it as well'. What we tend to miss, is that the Gospel is a historic fact, and that we are not part of the Trinity, delivering the power of the Gospel to people to bestow salvation upon them....but rather, we are the result of the Gospel and are used by the One who has been given all authority to gift this message to the world. The distinction seems semantic, but is so important and so often leading towards a Gospel that is 'created' rather than one that is 'received' and the problem with that is that it is not the Gospel anymore.

A Farewell to Yancy

2011-02-22T23:02:00.000-06:00

Yancy Spencer is (and always will be) a local Pensacola legend for a lot of reasons. I knew him only as a name, as an iconic surfer who was known by everybody and made surf reports that guys who surf would rely upon to know if it was time to call in sick and hit the waves that day. When he passed away recently on Valentine's Day, not coincidentally right after he had been in the water surfing, the far reaching effects of his life were obvious to the community. My brother Paul knew him and was there with his camera as people gathered in community for a traditional "paddle out" for a lost surfer. The thing that comes to my mind watching this video is that there is a bittersweet joy when someone is lost but you also know that he is now home. Watch the video and notice the pier and you can just tell that it is lined with people who have come to see Yancy off. To me, it brings thoughts of Jesus returning home after enduring the cross and accomplishing the greatest of all tasks and how this video is a small reflection of that kind of homecoming that can only be imagined.

My brother Paul talks about meeting Yancy...

I met Yancy in 1992 at a Surfari meeting I went to with Leo. That was a group of guys who loved surfing and created a reason to hangout each week. Yancy was probably the most unassuming person I've ever met...despite all his fame in the surf world. His brother JB told an interesting story. Yancy once asked him, JB, 'why are people so nervous and intimidated around me?' JB said, 'Yancy, it's because you're a famous surfer. You're their hero.' Yancy replied, 'But I don't want them to be intimidated.' JB said, 'We don't always get what we want, Yancy.' I owe a lot to the Spencer family. That whole group of guys that took hold of the local surf community and made it something very unlike the 'norm' for a surf environment. My theology may not follow John's, Yancy's or Calvary's on every point, but they reached out to a community with open arms, generosity, and a desire to show people what they found and what excited them so much. That was Yancy. He was just excited about life and discovering something new every day...usually involving surf. He was also excited that Jesus found him. A drugged out hippy surfer who was one of the least likely to point anyone towards Jesus. But he did...and for 40 more years, he quietly surfed and told people about the innerlight that he had found...the light of Christ. That's a bit about Yancy, but there's a lot more to be said.

Homeless Dude

2011-02-21T23:58:00.002-06:00

Today I saw a local homeless dude...looked very much like Billy Gibbons. He was in the usual place that guys stand at with a cardboard sign. The sign said "Ugly, but we still get hungry." Now, I don't know how YOU look at guys like that.    I am certainly NOT the most caring, sensitive, selfless person in the world. And I am not interested in a debate about how to help the homeless. But there is a sense, that you can look at this guy in a couple of ways.   He has failed in a way that you have not. He is suffering a fate through choices that you have not chosen. He is somebody that you, let's be honest, think that you are better than. Or at least think that you could prevent yourself from being in his shoes. I know you won't say that or maybe even think that....but it is the truth and you and I know it.

Sometimes, however, we get knocked off of our little pedestal of safety..and I am not talking about the evangelical phrase 'get out of your comfort zone' (which I hate). I just mean that we are faced with the reality that....we are not in control....we could be poverty stricken at any time, hit with physical ailments and have the proverbial rug pulled out from under us. Now I pray it doesn't happen to you, and I really pray it doesn't happen to me (although I feel it already has, lol).    But if you do hang on...and you still believe in God after all that happens...and you are still alive and kicking...think about this....God loves the loser who is at the end of his rope and is not sure if he believes anymore.   God loves the guy who has made all the wrong choices but turns to Jesus for help. God loves...dare I say it, sinners who fail to follow what He has told them to do.   When you are a sinner and you know it...clap your hands because you are loved...even if the whole world has forgotten about you...He has not.

The homeless dude at the stoplight had a sign that said "Ugly, but we still get hungry"....he got a bottle of water from one of the cars....his immediate reaction, before he took a drink himself, was to pour water into a dish for his homeless dog to drink.  That is how God has also loved us.

Galadriel Goes West

2011-02-18T10:42:00.002-06:00

The scar on my left hand is now harder to see than it was when I was younger. But to be honest...I hardly ever saw it anyway. It has had almost no influence on my life, and yet it is a scar that I have had ever since I can remember. What got me thinking about this long forgotten scar is the idea of 'boasting of my weakness'. That phrase is almost self-righteous in itself, in that it inspires me to think of my own hurts, sufferings and victimizations that I would call my weaknesses. But I think we know it really means something else. I could easily have this scar as a mark to signify the terrible things I have done in my life, the choices I have made that have hurt other people, the lies I have told when I knew the truth, and the embarrassing decisions I have made. My weaknesses far outweigh the wrongs done against me. So when I boast of how weak I am, it shows how much grace God has to love someone like me. He increases and I must decrease, as John the Baptist said. And also as Galadriel told Frodo (to turn geek on you), "I must diminish, and go into the West."

ADDENDUM....I cannot believe I missed the golden opportunity that was staring me in the face. I am not a writer, nor a theologian, nor a skilled...anything...but...let me add to what I said in this post by pointing out the obvious. Any scars that I have only remind me of my humanity, my weakness, my need for someone to save me. But there is someone who bore scars much worse than mine, but they mean something very different. The scars that Jesus bears scream out how much He loves us, how far He was willing to go, and how deeply we need rescue. I think when we diminish our scars from our own sin, we diminish His scars which were payment for sin. The bigger our sin, the bigger His scars...where sin abounds, grace abounds even more. When I hear 'sin boldy' I think of this idea, that we can have a giant faith, because we have a giant atonement (the voice of Jack Miller whispering).

Don't fear testing that atonement because it will not fail you...and you will be grateful when you have received your scars, as He was willing to receive His.

'The Eclectic Pebble' worth checking out.

2011-02-18T03:54:00.002-06:00

If you haven't heard of 'The Eclectic Pebble', well it is no wonder. It is my Father's blog and he has not promoted it...so I will! The name Eclectic Pebble is something I came up with....but don't ask me what it means...my Mom made a really good definition of it that I forget, but I think it works. Check it out and keep going back for more!!!! My Dad has a huge interest in music, food, dogs and grace and I thnk his blog will grow very quickly:)

Grace in Love

2011-02-17T00:25:00.000-06:00

Heartbreak involves regret, loss, guilt...(I regret, I have lost and I am guilty) ...nobody wins until everybody loses because love is alive when grace is alive. That is why I can't stand the saying, I believe in grace, but not a cheap grace...or but not as an excuse for sin. You can't piggyback law onto grace or you ruin them both.

Paul Zahl writes in 'Grace in Practice'...

The law excels in dividing married couples on the basis of power and influence. Many marriages become long-term struggles for power. "You men are all alike," lashes out Michelle in Diary of a Mad Black Woman. "You only think about yourselves." Her good man retorts, "Yes, and you women are so angry. No wonder your husband left you." These are law driven accusations. They destroy relationships every time. They imply a model of marriage as alternating need-fulfillment.
Grace demolishes the idea of need-fulfillment. Need-fulfillment is a law that has no possible satisfaction. Human need is limitless on its own terms. It is a bottomless well, a pail with a hole in the bottom. Grace nullifies this. The need for personal fulfillment is not met in Christianity. It is destroyed.

1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Peripeteia

2011-02-13T00:47:00.002-06:00

I love Mike Rowe and this is a compelling story of his experience doing something that...well...something I will never do. And it made me think about the term he uses, 'peripeteia'....meaning a turning point, a reversal of circumstance and it makes me think of the concept of grace, the gospel...when it sinks in that God has completely rid you of your need to be good for you to be accepted completely, unreservedly ...'peripeteia'. I think for me, the problem is that I find millions of ways to feel accepted apart from grace...almost everything I do that makes me feel good about myself is golden...and if it doesn't...I try something else. The idea that I don't have to do anything leaves me perplexed...'peripeteia'. Often it takes being put into a helpless situation to realize the need and therefore the magnitude of the gift...'peripeteia'. And then I still don't get it.

From 'Judgement and Love' Mockingbird Ministries....
by Bonnie Zahl

Christians are not people with the 'potential' to do what they ought to do. Christians are people who know they are loved even when they aren't who they ought to be.

Sin is not healed....it is forgiven.

2011-02-06T21:02:00.000-06:00

Grace in Practice by Paul Zahl

Sin is a disease that is never healed. It is forgiven. With the intervention of grace, sin is regarded and grappled with in such a way that it no longer surprises or takes over in quite the same way. It is shown grace and therefore robbed of its total power. But it is never healed until death, nor is it ever wiped out within the 'human comedy.' Original sin, which is the under-muscle of human personality, never diminishes in its strength and grip.

Grace in Practice

2011-02-05T20:23:00.001-06:00

Some words from Grace in Practice by Paul Zahl

Grace begets grace. Law begets resistance.
Here is another example: you start using words with me like 'accountability', or, if you are a practicing Christian, 'discipleship.' You start to 'speak truth in love' in my life. You tell me that you intend the criticism you dole out to be for my own good. You tell me there is really love behind the lecture. My receptors, as an ordinary original sinner, are wired to pick up the law. Tell me one thousand times that your law is in the service of love. I will even tell you I believe you. But I don't. There is no law in existence that can be heard as grace by sufferers and sinners. The cliche is true: we need unconditional love.

DON'T TOUCH IT!

2011-02-04T15:08:00.003-06:00

The ending of the movie Time Bandits....knd of illustrates the human response when given a command (law).

The Broken Rose (again)

2011-02-03T21:11:00.006-06:00

I am not actually a fan of Matt Chandler's style of preaching...He's ok...but I would much prefer Jim Gaffigan, Kelsey Grammar or David Attenborough to listen to...I like comedy and I like nature programs with easy going, clever timing and an easily understood English accent that feels like conversation that invites me in, rather than harsh sounding words that make me feel like I just got caught beating a turtle with a sledgehammer. I have never understood why preaching about God and Jesus has to be so intense or dramatic and/or have the cadence of a Ginsu Knife commercial. But that is just me. But I LOVE what he is conveying in this illustration and I cannot get enough of this.

Most people have seen this...but watch it again anyways. What he is describing is what drives so many people away from Jesus...namely....'people who follow Jesus!!!!' I love this because I know what it is like to feel like that broken rose that gets handed around and judged by people who are better than me, haven't made the mistakes I have. It is, of course, a farce because you don't have to investigate very deeply to see that all of humanity is in the same boat...it is just that some are more aware of it than others. Meaning...we are all a broken rose in some way or another...everyone from Hitler to Mother Teresa. Whatever you think of that statement...the danger is to follow Jesus as a religion of becoming better, improving, reaching new levels of character etc, etc.....describe it however you want to...if it is something that you concern yourself with, you are being religious.

Or, put it another way...if you who follow Jesus not because you are needy, but because your focus is all about 'getting better' or proving that you truly believe...you are really attemptng to make the rose look better...you are trying to be good and not be that broken, jacked-up rose. The irony is that BEING good IS a good thing...but WANTING to be good is a DISASTER for flawed human beings. If you feel that you need to prove yourself worthy and good enough to receive God's love, or even have to prove that you believe in Jesus by achieving some kind of status or level of the 'Christian Life', you have put yourself in a place that only leads to pride, judgement and self-centeredness. As Steve Brown said in one of the most sobering lines ever, It would be better that you were a sinner...meaning that it is better to know you are a sinner than try to NOT to be a sinner to gain something.

If you are not a broken rose, then you are under a kind of oppressive demand (law) that is so heavy that NOBODY is going to run to Jesus as a Saviour...in fact, NOBODY is going to feel the need to be saved or that Jesus even really did anything to save anybody, because the demands of God have reached impossible proportions that you can never meet and are therefore irrelevant in your life. And your logical response is to say that you are not a broken rose, but you have just been made that way (more on this later).

Either Jesus loves the broken rose...or let's face it...He DOESN'T love you. more to follow.....

Monsters Inc.

2011-02-01T01:15:00.007-06:00

There is a true Monster coming our way. Well, actually two Monsters. The first Monster, and the most recognized, is in the shape of the law and it crashes its way into our world in the form of those who are desperate to impose a morality that uses force, oppression, murder and guilt to accomplish its ends. It comes in a lot of different forms...some very obvious and clearly dangerous...some very subtle and seemingly harmless, even rising up from within our own ranks.

The other Monster comes in response to the law and moralism of the first Monster. And I didn't see this one coming. But it is a Monster because it says that there is no law and builds its lair upon a love and grace that require no forgiveness whatsoever.

I am not declaring myself apart from these Monsters, in fact, I see myself in both of them and struggle with them both in many different ways.

But what both of these Monsters have in common, is that Christ becomes secondary at best and is totally obsolete most of the time, to be honest. Unlike a true hero who battles real Monsters, he is powerless to save those who are pummelled by the law, and he is less than a hood ornament to those who reject any law and bury themselves in love and grace. I would have to say, it is easier for me to bury myself in love and grace...the law scares me theologically as well as in the worldy reality of those who wield it and are anxious to use it. But I am equally concerned about the growing Monster of love and grace that needs no suffering Redeemer...because I know myself too well...I know that I need a Saviour with a capital 'S'.

I don't know if you recognize these Monsters, but they are closer than you might think and they may be more in you than you might think. At least that is my own experience, because these Monsters loom large on the outside, but always are trying to do their real work on the inside. It is when I see the Monsters on the inside as well as the outside that I cry the only cry that I can think of...'Son of David have mercy upon me.'

A Thought on One Way Love

2011-01-24T10:25:00.002-06:00

From 'Grace in Practice' by Paul Zahl

"Grace is one-way love. Society demands two-way love. Society requires quantity and value and "evidence" of the pound of flesh. In human society grace has a bad day every day. This was first expressed conceptually when the philosopher Aristotle composed his 'Nicomachean Ethics' in the fourth century B.C. Aristotle taught that a man is defined by his deeds: a good man is good because he does good deeds. This is the only way to guage moral worth. Measurement becomes everything. Progress becomes everything. Amelioration becomes the law of life. I would say that Aristotle is the safe harbor of absolute worldliness in the world of thought.

Grace is the opposite of Aristotle. Grace takes a different approach to criminal justice. Grace takes a different line on what forms human identity. Grace rewrites the meaning of achievement and career. Grace is NOT utopian; in fact, it is DYStopian. What I mean is that utopian ideas of society call on hard work and dedication to create a new society of fairness and equity - the same old story. Grace, on the other hand, recognizes the wholly dystopian and hellish character of life in the world under the law and posits an alternative view of reality."

Judgement

2011-01-23T06:40:00.003-06:00

One of my all time favorite movies, if not my favorite. To me, the cold, harsh cruelty of the warden is a great characterization of how judgement and criticism influence our view of God. In fact, many people see God as the warden...imprisoned unfairly, we are under the thumb of a tyrant who doesn't care about us and is bent on delivering his justice upon us. And I say unfairly because the more I see God as tyrant against me, the less I see who I really am and I want to defend myself...declare my innocence (in the movie, all of the convicts deny that they actually committed a crime).
The more I am aware of the judgement and criticism that makes up the kind of christianity that I see all around me, the more I believe that the thumb we are often under is actually that of the judgement and criticism itself, and the only relief from it actually comes from God. It comes in the form of Jesus who WAS the man in the cell, was cast down and did receive God's judgement and justice, and because of that we receive only His grace. And God isn't the cold-hearted warden, but the loving father of the one who did our time for us.

So now, when I see anything christian that gives the story of judgement and justice and goes on and on about changing, doing better, being moral and sees everyone through a lens of criticism and judgement while de-emphasizing or moving past the Jesus part...I see that they are actually the man in the prison trying to satisfy the warden. Very sad.

Music Friday...actually ON Friday

2011-01-21T13:08:00.003-06:00

I keep forgetting to put this on here. I know that is so disappointing to everyone. I think I need to go back and play more blues, it is actually where I am the most comfortable. This is a song by Kenny Wayne Shepherd.

Don't Fear the Blooper

2011-01-21T06:55:00.006-06:00

Fearing mistakes is something that increases the more religious you get. The servant who hid his bag of silver was afraid to risk and make mistakes. And no, I don't mean to say this as a way to induce guilt if you don't 'get out of your comfort zone'....man, I hate that phrase. I just mean that you are allowed to be human, laugh, make mistakes and trust that God still loves you...it really is fun to be free and you just might start loving God more than you thought you could. (there is my post....are you happy Dad?)

But what do James Garner and Julius Erving think about all of this?

2011-01-15T05:14:00.004-06:00

Ok, Ok, I am a bit behind the times...but this cartoon reflects the fascination we have with certain people and their relevance. And I include myself, I know Dr. J doesn't know much about my personal faith struggles...but I would still love his opinion. But before you laugh...I bet you have people in your life that you hold with reverence that maybe should be demoted to 'human' status. In fact, if we all demoted ourselves to human status...that would be best. Yeah....let's just do that...much easier...cuts out the middle man.

Jesus Loves Failures

2011-01-13T06:28:00.004-06:00

More and more I am convinced that the greatest way that God expresses Himself through us in this world is by our own weakness, NOT by our success. This is pretty serious, because it is the exact opposite message that is given by the culture of Evangelical Christianity...and I am not just talking about fundamentalist wackos and hard-core Pentecostal Holy brigades of people who storm abortion clinics and make national news when they talk about protesting Islam with a Koran bonfire.

No, I am talking about something much more subtle and more insidious. Let's face it, those are kind of easy targets. I am not even talking about the Joyce Meyers and the Joel Osteens...the 'get better' gurus who have the answer to why our lives are not as fulfilling (read: happy and wealthy and comfortable) beause we lack the faith.

No, I am talking about the general and well-accepted idea that a healthy, happy, well-adjusted life is not only available to us...but is our best way to deliver the message of God to the generally uninformed public. Are we serious???

On the one hand...we admit our utter need for Jesus because we cannot do anything right...and then we hold each other in contempt of court when we fail and find ourselves on the failing side of the law.

Let's think about this for a second. The reason you are a christian in the first place is that you have admitted that you are in the wrong and need a saviour. Let's start there. This admission does not mean that everything you do from now on equals being like Jesus. In fact....that is not going to happen in this life EVER!!! The best way to explain to anybody else why THEY need Jesus is to explain why YOU need Jesus...and BTW...STILL need Jesus.

There is nothing more amazing than when a christian has the bollocks to expose his/her failures and weaknesses. That is what glorifies the work of Christ...sorry, it is NOT your story of a successful/victorious life that has become so wonderful and holy because of Jesus...that just doesn't do it. It isn't reality and it is self-righteous to boot. I hate to be harsh...but it is time for a lot of christians to "grow up" and become a little bit more mature about their own failure to be good. Jesus, by the way, loves sinners, so don't worry so much about it.

Diddley-dee, Potatoes!!!

2011-01-11T03:03:00.007-06:00

What tells other people who you are? Your identity? In this case, I am talking about being a christian. Is it your goodness? Your love and grace towards everybody? Well, I would hope that it would be so...but I believe it is not the case. The bible does say that we will be known by how we love each other...but be careful...there is nobody who loves perfectly...so I don't believe it is that simple. The bible also says that loves seeks not its own and that it keeps no records of wrong, is not proud, always trusts, always perseveres, rejoices in truth....are you getting worried yet???

I guess, I would say that I don't believe there is a litmus test that we can use to say...there is a christian and there is not, at least not in an empirical way. My favorite line concerning knowing others by their fruit is by the InternetMonk, and he says that is great, but who gets to be the judge of anothers fruit....you? Me? You have to be a lot more careful than you might think. Jesus said our righteousness must exceed that of the Pharisees...and I would believe that a lot of Pharisees were actually really well respected and acknowledged as 'good' people. Isn't that funny...and kind of scary.

Our identity in Christ may not be evident in our perfection, and it may not be evident in our walk...but it might be evident in our need for Christ most of all. Paul says that the good he wants to do, he does not do...and he calls on Christ as his only source of salvation. Paul talks about boasting of his own weaknesses in order to exalt Christ's goodness to him. None of this seems to point towards a life that exalts Christ by our own ability to be like him...but rather a humble acknowledgement that our lives are lost and can only be saved by the grace of Christ and the work of the cross.

So, how do I show my identity? I can be a total failure who points toward Christ as my only means of salvation. I can eat potatoes and receive a pot of gold...ok...that was cheap, but the best I can do.

The Soundings of God...

2011-01-10T04:00:00.002-06:00

Me Also.....

2011-01-06T00:34:00.006-06:00

Phil is a kind of self-centered character...one that I think most of us can identify with, frankly. He is funny and arrogant, but gains our sympathy and compassion ...maybe because we see his self-centeredness in ourselves as well. The change in Phil comes when he sees something worthy outside of himself. He begins to see something valuable in others, something worthy that he never saw before.

Tonight, I saw that the Homeless Man with the Golden Voice has been offered a job of some kind...and at the least is being given a second chance to use his talents and make a life for himself (he is 71 years old btw...I know, he does not look that old...credit his homeless lifestyle I guess...) This is so cool that I wanted to mention it here.

The man that this reminds me of is the man in the movie Groundhog Day...the old man that Bill Murrays character, Phil, grew to love. In the movie, Phil (Bill Murray) grew to have compassion for this man for no other reason than he loved him and cared for him. Even though he kept trying to save this man's life, day after day...day after day, the man died anyways, and yet, Phil loved this man. It wasn't that Phil's love was worthless...or that the man was worthless...it was that his love and the man were BOTH worth more than they could imagine. The interesting connection to the Homeless Man with the Goldn Voice...is that this old man did NOT have a golden voice...he had nothing...and yet Phil loved him anyway.
All of this stuff points to a love that is greater than our ability to earn it. We don't have to have a golden voice to be loved...and we don't have to love without our self-centeredness...we have to be loved in spite of these things. Even if we have to use the word 'poopy'.

Disillusionment...is that even a word?

2011-01-05T03:30:00.003-06:00

Being a christian is not easy...hell, being human is not easy. But being a christian seems to bring a whole load of baggage that makes life so much more difficult. For starters...most of the world immediately assumes that you are a self-righteous hypocrite who doesn't practice what you preach and lives in a fantasy world, oblivious to your own faults and harshly judgemental of the faults of others. The problem with this thinking...is that it is so incredibly accurate. Scary how the world that I think is lost has me and my compadres so nailed to the door of reality.

I think that in whatever manner that we become christians, there is a common group of phases that we all go through...although I do think that some people go through some of these before they are christians.

1- Disillusionment with the world
2- Disillusionment with yourself
3- Disillusionment with God
4- Disillusionment with other christians
5- Disillusionment with yourself again
6- Denial

I numbered these, but I think they happen in any order and in any number of times in your life. Paul Zahl, a pastor and teacher of grace, said that everyone has at least one 'nervous breakdown' in their lives...and I think I agree, simply because I know that it is true for me. Now, apart from real-life problems like depression, addiction and all of the very real and complex worldly problems that plague us humans that require therapy, counseling, medication etc etc (trust me, I believe in these things)...I think it is true that the breakdowns come when we traverse the phases of disillusionment...that struggle when we realize that either the world, other christians, or God has been less or extremely different than we imagined and we need to figure them out all over again. I think at any point in time that we don't struggle with this, we are in another phase called 'denial', and it is a dangerous phase because it is where we think that we have an ounce of control or that we have a handle on the why's and the how's of things.

I think this helps me to understand why Jesus said that the greatest commandment was to love others and love God. If it was really up to us to figure out ourselves, other christians and the world and to gameplan making that work...we wouldn't need God. And if we could figure out God, we would probably be his equal...which is pretty silly. And living in denial is like sleeping on a friend's pull-out couch...it is comfortable for a while....but nobody wants to die there.

No, I think that forgiveness and grace (loving other people) is the final phase that actually makes the most sense and leaves you without all of the disillusionment. Of course, the truly ironic twist here is that we (meaning every one of us) never get there in this life....but maybe....just maybe...we can better understand all the other people around us who are also jumping through phases trying, praying, and searching to get there as well.

Music Friday Now on Sunday!

2011-01-02T15:37:00.004-06:00

Just learned this Eric Clapton song...hard for me to sing with my three note range, but I love this song...

Music Friday ~ Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T08:33:00.002-06:00

A very short 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' I did early this morning.

And Hey!!!!! You have a Merry Christmas:)

The Authority Song

2010-12-23T18:01:00.005-06:00

I ran across this following video of kids in a 'Rock Band' singing a song about authority and obedience, which made me immediately think of the other two songs. And yes, it bothers me because it is once again a message that says everything is dependent upon my obedience in order for things to be 'ok' and for me to have 'success'. And it does bug me, because it is a message that, when given without the obedience of Christ (slightly more important), becomes part of what makes people religious, Pharisaical and graceless. Jesus is authority...but he is also Saviour and the lamb sacrificed for the sins of the world...the true friend who saves all the rebels who cannot save themselves.

The question that I thought of when watching this video was what might happen when these kids come home with alcohol on their breathe or a child in their womb...or will they bother to come home at all.

Perfect Weakness...Not Proud Strength

2010-12-22T13:20:00.002-06:00

“On the cross,” writes Tim Keller, “Christ wins through losing, triumphs through defeat, achieves power through weakness and service, comes to wealth via giving all away.” All this demonstrates that Christians make a difference in the world by being different from it, not by being the same. The power of the Christian faith is the power of the cross, a power that’s counterintuitively tied to human weakness.

Tullian Tchividjian

Sin Boldly

2010-12-22T13:01:00.005-06:00

Here is a good interview with the author of this book Cathleen Falsani on Steve Brown Etc...

"If you are a preacher of Grace, then preach a true, not a fictitious grace; if grace is true, you must bear a true and not a fictitious sin. God does not save people who are only fictitious sinners. Be a sinner and sin boldly, but believe and rejoice in Christ even more boldly. For he is victorious over sin, death, and the world. As long as we are here we have to sin. This life in not the dwelling place of righteousness but, as Peter says, we look for a new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells. . . . Pray boldly-you too are a mighty sinner.

If you are a preacher of mercy, do not preach an imaginary but the true mercy. If the mercy is true, you must therefore bear the true, not an imaginary sin. God does not save those who are only imaginary sinners. Be a sinner, and let your sins be strong, but let your trust in Christ be stronger, and rejoice in Christ who is the victor over sin, death, and the world. We will commit sins while we are here, for this life is not a place where justice resides. We, however, says Peter (2. Peter 3:13) are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth where justice will reign. It suffices that through God's glory we have recognized the Lamb who takes away the sin of the world. No sin can separate us from Him, even if we were to kill or commit adultery thousands of times each day. Do you think such an exalted Lamb paid merely a small price with a meager sacrifice for our sins? Pray hard for you are quite a sinner." Martin Luther

Music the Day After Friday....

2010-12-18T09:07:00.004-06:00

Ok...so....I have done some more recording and song writing....but my songwriting is very undisciplined (imagine that...from me? NO!!!) But anyway, it is the only way I can do it....I am a complete hair-brained liberal hippie when it comes to how I approach writing songs....but hey, it is what it is. Anyway....I have a number of songs under my belt, in the works...but if I waited to complete them they would never get done.

So here is a slightly better (?) version of something I did which is still an example of me learning how to use the recording software. (btw why is software so freaking hard?)

There are too many people dying out there!

2010-12-15T21:10:00.005-06:00

"There are too many people dying out there!" ~ Steve Brown

No...Steve was not referring to the poor in third world countries, poor inner-city areas, or even abortion clinics...Steve was referring to everyday christians who are suffering any number of difficulties that produce pain. It isn't to minimize the literal dying and suffering that takes place that we all hate to confront...but he is talking about something I once heard my father say..."Pain is pain is pain."

And it is not just suffering in terms of physical health and poverty...it is broken marriages, rebellious children, addictions, abusive parents, job loss, insecurity, loneliness, judgement, self-hatred, depression, doubt...fear...it's a bad world out there. And we are not good people, no matter how much we may have changed. In spite of the badness seeming to be so incredibly obvious....we still seem to have this need to declare that we can control things. I just read somewhere on some christian blog something about how we can control our own destiny. Are you kidding me? What color is the sky in your world?

I was listening to a man talk about his pain, one that I could relate to, and I could only steer the conversation towards Jesus. It is the only thing that I could think of because I have no other answer for pain. The bible, as far as I can tell, does not contain the steps for solving your suffering or changing your circumstances. Obedience is wonderful, but it can be fool's gold, to borrow a phrase from an NBA coach (my favorite coach). Why fool's gold? Because we attach meaning to it that isn't there. It doesn't mean God will fix our problems, it doesn't mean we get a higher score on God's report card and it DOESN'T mean that we are being sanctified and solving the brokenness of the world. Fixing a broken world is much more complicated and way above my pay scale...and if I don't trust myself with doing it...I sure don't trust you.

The world is broken and needs a Saviour who is way above any of us...and it already has one...you can relax now. Do you feel hurt? He did too. Do you feel lonely? He was too. Do you feel insulted? He was too. Do you ask God 'Why?'...He did too. Do you trust God completely and obey Him perfectly? Well...don't worry...when He did that...He was doing it FOR you...and me. It's a bad world and there is only one cure...His job is to fix things, ours is to trust Him.

Christina Rossetti - A Prodigal Son

2010-12-15T10:50:00.005-06:00

I found a poem when looking for images for the last post...

Does that lamp still burn in my Father's house,
Which he kindled the night I went away?
I turned once beneath the cedar boughs,
And marked it gleam with a golden ray;
Did he think to light me home some day?

Hungry here with the crunching swine,
Hungry harvest have I to reap;
In a dream I count my Father's kine,
I hear the tinkling bells of his sheep,
I watch his lambs that browse and leap.

There is plenty of bread at home,
His servants have bread enough and to spare;
The purple wine-fat froths with foam,
Oil and spices make sweet the air,
While I perish hungry and bare.

Rich and blessed those servants, rather
Than I who see not my Father's face!
I will arise and go to my Father:—
"Fallen from sonship,
beggared of grace,
Grant me, Father, a servant's place.

Christina Rossetti

Of course, in the parable...the Father did have the light on and had never forgotten the son, and in fact, ran to meet him when he saw him coming home. And he didn't bring him back as a servant but restored his status in the family and lavished him in celebration.

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to celebrate.

Yes, I like Pelligrino, so sue me!

2010-12-15T09:59:00.007-06:00

Grilled seasoned Mahi-Mahi and steamed mussels with sauteed baby spinach and grape tomatoes. Just felt like posting this...very proud whenever I cook a meal.

I get emails from a little site called 'Graced Again', just short, grace-centered quotes about the gospel...you can sign up and if you are really evil...sign up someone else without their permission (HA-HA)

Here are a few examples that I like... (pics added by me because I like to do that kind of thing)

“The main thing we learn from a serious attempt to practice the Christian virtues is that we fail. If there was any idea that God had set us a sort of exam and that we might get good marks by deserving them, that has to be wiped out. If there was any idea of a sort of bargain—any idea that we could perform our side of the contract and thus put God in our debts so that it was up to Him to perform His side—that has to be wiped out…everyone has the idea of an exam or of a bargain; the first result of real Christianity is to blow that to bits.” CS Lewis

“God’s willingness to show mercy appears by His joyfulness when sinners take hold on His mercy. God’s goodness is that He rejoices at the salvation of sinners and is glad when His mercy is accepted. God rejoices when a poor sinner comes in and takes hold of His mercy. What an encouragement to believe in God! He is a God of pardons. Mercy pleases Him. Nothing prejudices us but unbelief. Unbelief stops the current of God’s mercy from running, shut God’s bowels, closes the cavity of Christ’s wounds, so no healing virtue will come out. As far as the heavens are above the earth, so far is God’s mercy above our sins. What will tempt us to believe, if not the mercy of God?”
Glorifying God, Thomas Watson

“The solution to our need for holiness is Jesus. He alone has clean hands and a pure heart. He suffered an innocent death to remove our sin, as a substitute for any who will trust in him. At the moment of true belief, a believer’s sin is transferred to his account. Jesus also transfers to us his innocence. By faith in him God accepts us as holy before him. Now we dare to approach God’s holy presence—with boldness! Forgiven of sin, covered with Jesus’ innocence, our wings are now made of the right stuff! We not only ascend to God’s holy presence. We live there continually: “We are seated with Christ in heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 2:6)”
Ancient Prayer, John F. Smed

Tagore

2010-12-13T05:29:00.002-06:00

It decks me only to mock me, this jewelled chain of mine.

It bruises me when on my neck, it strangles me when I struggle to tear it off.

It grips my throat, it chokes my singing.

Could I but offer it to your hand, my Lord, I would be saved.

Take it from me, and in exchange bind me to you with a garland,

for I am ashamed to stand before you with this jewelled chain on my neck.

No: it is not yours to open buds into blossoms.

Shake the bud, strike it; it is beyond your power to make it blossom.

Your touch soils it, you tear its petals to pieces and strew them in the dust.

But no colours appear, and no perfume.

Ah! it is not for you to open the bud into a blossom.

He who can open the bud does it so simply.

He gives it a glance, and the life-sap stirs through its veins.

At his breath the flower spreads its wings and flutters in the wind.

Colours flush out like heart-longings, the perfume betrays a sweet secret.

He who can open the bud does it so simply.

No, this is not from The Onion...

2010-12-13T05:08:00.003-06:00

NFL WEEKLY REVIEW PAGE
The Bills outscored the Steelers 16-3 in the second half to force the overtime, but let the victory slip through their fingers, literally, as Johnson dropped a wide-open pass in the end zone.

Buffalo quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick could only watch as Johnson dropped the sure touchdown and Pittsburgh drove 80 yards on the game's next series to set up the game-winning 41-yard field goal by Shaun Suisham.

Johnson was reluctant to accept responsibility for the gaffe, posting on his Twitter account post-game that it was in fact God's fault.

"I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO...," Johnson tweeted.

I thought this was really funny...but I am not going to give him a hard time...at least he is being honest with God. I love examples of people being frustrated and upset with God because then you can start getting rid of all the nonsense and stupid stuff that people tend to bring into their faith.

Although, the wide receiver later tweeted that he was thankful that he now can relate to the people in Darfur. And God later tweeted that maybe he should not wear the number '13' anymore or things like this would happen.

How should we feel?

2010-12-11T07:08:00.007-06:00

We all know this bumper sticker. It is often accompanied by the 'My kid is the Smartest Kid in School' bumper sticker. I'm not throwing stones, I love this concept and I am glad there are kids who do well in school. But there is something that bothers me about this bumper sticker about kindness...and I think I figured it out.

I am not that kind and not really good at practicing kindness. No, really...I am not. Oh...ok...I SOMETIMES let somebody on front of me in the grocery line if I have a cart full and they have a jug of milk...and SOMETIMES I give some money to one of the hundreds of envelopes for charities I get in the mail...and I SOMETIMES pray for people and SOMETIMES I remember that other people are much more lonely, poor, hungry, and unloved than I am. Sometimes...but not very often to be honest. So why is this a problem for me? Well, when I watch this following video, I realize the demand on me to be kind is much more than a random kindness that makes me feel good about myself. It is a demand for love that is WAY beyond what I can offer. And that makes me sad...then guilty...then afraid...then thankful. Sad because of suffering that exists even when I am not aware of it...guilty because I don't do something more even though I have ample opportunity and means...afraid because I feel that somebody who doesn't do what is obviously needed should never be saved...then thankful that I can be saved and fail so miserably to love people like I should. Then I feel...well...how should I feel?

Music Friday

2010-12-09T23:43:00.007-06:00

So many blogs have music days...I figure, why break precendent? And as of this posting it is Thursday but since it is only a few minutes until being technically Friday, I'll let myself slide.
This is a little different...this is my first 'kind-of' successful attempt at recording on the computer using software, multiple tracks etc. New for me and still a bit confusing...the big success is figuring out how the drums work. So here is a little 59 seconds of nothing that for me, in spite of what Luther said, IS a little something. See, this is relevant, I mentioned theology...

The Law According to Wonka

2010-12-09T04:00:00.006-06:00

This is a famous scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory...and this is maybe the best movie ever made (hyperbole)...and it really represents the tone and effect of the Law. Not just according to me, but according to Paul...the Law is demanding to the letter and even if you are in a room of objects cut in half...the Law demands without concessions...and it is good for it to do so...but also good that someone has the GRACE to take the penalty and pay the payment so that we can feel like Charlie in the end...

Anaheim Azusa and Cucamonga

2010-12-09T03:08:00.007-06:00

But we all know that the road to sanctification leads through Albuquerque...

The Glory of an Athlete....

2010-12-08T22:43:00.012-06:00

I am a complete Sixers fanatic...I have loved basketball for my whole life and have enjoyed playing and competing as one of the great joys of being alive. Above, is a picture of Andre Iguodala of the Philadelphia Sixers. He is a tremendous athlete and does things that I literally dream of doing. I have had many dreams where I can fly and dunk and experience what is impossible for me in the real world. And it isn't that I have zero talent, or no ability...just like I can play the guitar and write a poem. I just don't do it well enough. Not nearly well enough. In fact, I am so pitifully far from doing the things he does, I despair to even attempt them. Good thing, too, I might hurt myself.

In some way, I do share in Andre's glory by being a fan. I watch this video posted below and my heart starts pumping and my adrenaline goes up...he is doing this for MY team...in My city...and I get to share in some small way, even though...I can't do what he does.

Of course, I don't get paid, I don't get recognized in any way. But the thought does occur to me that when the great exchange is made and I receive the credit for what God's Son has done...it is as if this video is made about me, and I am the one who has done these amazing things, and I am the one who is being given the glory of the most amazing dunk ever. The audience cheers for me and instead of being a loser who can hardly touch the rim...I have the glory of a world-class athlete...and I didn't even have to do all of those push-ups. But it doesn't come free, or cheap. Because He did have to give up his own position on the team, his own adulation, his own fans turned against him, he gave up his body, he left his family, he left his possessions, he gave up his life....it wasn't free for Him...but it can only be free for me...because I can't do what he did. Don't get me wrong...the whole story is not about me, but about what He did FOR me. But then again...if it is not completely free FOR me...then it somehow becomes all about me again and how I can somehow become....Andre Igoudala...How can the glory be mine by ME earning it...ME somehow playing a part. And that is what this post is about...YOU and I DON'T play a part...it is done FOR us. And it cost a lot...a WHOLE lot more than we can imagine.

You have to be careful when you talk about this kind of thing...because it makes people angry sometimes. It can't be totally free? I mean...now you have to work to pay him back...like some kind of mortgage that takes so many years to pay back. I mean...you have to do SOMETHING?! And besides....I am clearly much closer to being Andre Iguodala when it's all said and done, than like him...my life is an example of that. And the audience doesn't cheer for me, how self-centered can I be? And if this were really true, I would be much more grateful than I am. And after all...I haven't earned any of this...that really bothers us doesn't it? And Jesus wouldn't just let go of these things for US....would he? And we do NOTHING?!?!?!?!?!

Well, I admit....it does sound pretty selfish to think this way....but maybe it is just so unselfish by God that we don't know how to react to it. The really dangerous thing, is to then talk about how we respond...because if it brings judgement and earning anything back into the equation...you are right back where you started from in the beginning...a loser athlete wanna-be who has nothing and can do nothing.

Law, Gospel and Drowning

2010-12-07T23:24:00.016-06:00

Drowning is often used as a way to describe depression to those unfamiliar with the experience. But it is a helplessness that we all can and maybe should feel. My personal experience with trying to understand the Gospel has brought me many times into confrontation with Law, and I would describe that experience also as drowning...a helplessness...desperately reaching for something, to feel the grasp of rock or stone or beach, or the side of a ship...or someone's saving hand...

Law and Gospel...two things that are familiar names to many christians, but very misundertood, misapplied and sadly used in hurtful ways against those who need it the most. While the Gospel is ALWAYS Good News to those who need it....the Law is NOT Good News for those who also need it. This is often used to say that the Law is Bad when that could not be furthur from the truth. The truth is that WE are bad and WE desperately need the Good News of the Gospel or our ships will collectively sink under the weight of the Law, as good as it is...it is dead weight to those trying to stay afloat, and it was never meant to save us.

This talk by Rod Rosenbladt discusses the Gospel in relation to the Law and its growing absence in the Church.

Let Him Change the Losers

2010-12-05T01:25:00.016-06:00

Continuing on the loser theme...I want to say something about how being a loser is more important and more relevant and more effective than being a winner is...

This is a post by the late Michael spencer, aka The Internet Monk. Worth reading...

When I am Weak...

Here is an excerpt...

Evangelicals love a testimony of how screwed up I USED to be. They aren’t interested in how screwed up I am NOW. But the fact is, that we are screwed up. Then. Now. All the time in between and, it’s a safe bet to assume, the rest of the time we’re alive. But we will pay $400 to go hear a “Bible teacher” tell us how we are only a few verses, prayers and cds away from being a lot better. And we will set quietly, or applaud loudly, when the story is retold. I’m really better now. I’m a good Christian. I’m not a mess anymore. I’m different from other people.

Please. Call this off. It’s making me sick. I mean that. It’s affecting me. I’m seeing, in my life and the lives of others, a commitment to lying about our condition that is absolutely pathological. Evangelicals called Bill Clinton a big-time liar about sex? Come on. How many nodding “good Christians” have so much garbage sitting in the middle of their lives that the odor makes it impossible to breathe without gagging? How many of us are addicted to food, porn and shopping? How many of us are depressed, angry, unforgiving and just plain mean? How many of us are a walking, talking course on basic hypocrisy, because we just can’t look at ourselves in the mirror and admit what we a collection of brokenness we’ve become WHILE we called ourselves “good Christians” who want to “witness” to others. I’m choking just writing this.

I recommend reading this blog post...and then watch this video about foie gras...and think about being force fed your ideas about being a christian...btw...I am close to beoming a vegetarian myself after watching this...and I absolutely LOVE duck breast...just so you know I am an open minded person....

Why is this important...I have known very good well-meaning people who want to tell their story of how Jesus and salvation made wonderful changes in their lives. And that is a great hing, so why do I think that this should NOT be the focus of our presentation of the Gospel? Well, I would answer that question by asking...if your life did not get better, or if you did not get better...would that mean that Jesus is not your Saviour? So, if he still is your Saviour...then why is your story for others about something that may not happen for them? We lose our focus when it is not on the Saving but on the changing...talk about the Saving and let Him worry about the changing is all that I am saying.

Times Two

2010-12-03T23:51:00.011-06:00

I have pretty much determined that no matter what I do...it will fall into the category of 'LOSER'....so I should simply stop trying to escape that problem. So I am going to exalt my 'Loser' status for a bit here...

So here are some thing that make me a Loser...

I am divorced...not just a regular divorce...but a very, very short marriage...this is multiplied by the fact that my ex-wife had four children, so in many eyes I could easily be deemed as some kind of child-abuser and at the very least, the worst kind of husband/step-father ever.

I have a history of failed relationships...in spite of bringing a less than perfect relationship history to the table...I have failed to make a good relationship even after learning many lessons about life, and failed relationships in the past.

I have struggled with depression, addiction, and anxiety that has made even attempting to have a relationship almost a laughable proposition...and I have succeeeding in making it exactly that.

My faith has been an enigma to me as well as to those who know me, and I have struggled and have made the most cursory of friends seem distant and irrelevant.

The point of this blog post is that, of course, I am not a loser...but it is not because of my ability to build my own self-esteem, or because that I have a record of selfless acts towards humanity (or dolphins, or whales etc.) as great as those things are...No....I am a loser who is valuable without doing anything at all because someone outside of myself has said that I am worthy. This video, I think, perfectly demonstrates that a persons worth comes from outside of themself as a gift of love. This is a man who falls in love with a prostitute and, even while she is unaware of her value, he simply and beautifully gifts his love to her.

Larry Sanders and Love

2010-12-01T23:27:00.002-06:00

This is Gary Shandling in an interview with Ricky Gervais...or rather, being interviewed BY Ricky Gervais. The 'Core Element' that Gary talks about here when he is describing the show 'Larry Sanders' is Love...and the clip from the show depicts in a humorous way how we all look for this, and sometimes settle for whatever we can get.

It's His Circle, Not Mine

2010-11-28T03:00:00.008-06:00

"...Jesus comes down to earth...essentially He draws a circle around Himself in the sand....and He says, 'Everyone outside of this circle is equal...you're all screwed up.' That's what He says, it's His whole message." Donald Miller

I am not necessarily on board with Donald Miller's politics...but he is AWESOME and this quote and his books which I am still reading are truly an expression of the Gospel in a non-systematic way...and that is really good!

I was listening today to a sermon by John Zahl, one of the Zahl clan...it was during Lent and he quoted Luke something or other where Jesus walked away from His disciples, knelt and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."

So if this were a movie it would be categorized in the DRAMA section to say the least. It is a portrait of Jesus that I think is missing from our typical thoughts when we think of Jesus. This is a Man who is scared, who is praying with incredible intensity that God would change His circumstances...and then He adds 'not my will but yours be done' and my heart stops. Jesus was facing this trial of all trials in a body just like mine and I know how I would have felt....or at least I can imagine it pretty well. I have said the words "not my will" many times myself...but I never, ever really meant it. And any time I had an out, a sinful out...I took it.

I was thinking about this today and my immediate emotional reaction was to think, "Wow, I don't think I can do that...but you know....'take up your cross and follow me.'"

I was at a bible study once...people I didn't know except for one in particular. One of the men there I knew was going through marital problems, separation. Having been divorced I empathized with him and he was asking questions that made me think he was wondering what he needed to do to get God to help him in his circumstances (a question I would also lke answered). He plainly stated that he was working hard, but the response from God was not happening. Like a moron I decided to speak, and I mentioned this idea of Jesus asking for His own circumstances to be changed. I forget what I said, but I think it came out all wrong as usual.

Then today I heard John Zahl and it brought it back to me. It is not enough to see the bible as a way to get God to fix our circumstances, or even as a way to fix ourselves in the ways that we want to be better. And it is really helpful to see that Jesus hurt the way we hurt and prayed for Himself the way we pray, and that trusting God is always the only real alternative. But it is still not enough to see that Jesus did what we should also be doing in our difficult circumstances. I think by far the most important aspect of Jesus in this instance is to recognize that He was praying for change, but His obedience and subsequent suffering was done for OUR BENEFIT. That His obedience was all the obedience needed to save us...nothing more is neccessary. Jesus is in the circle to save us, and He does not need us to try to get in with Him to accomplish what we need. The only time the circle matters now, is when we try to get in there with Him to save ourselves, and then we are doing a very bad thing indeed. I still think it is ok to pray like Jesus of course...and things never seem to work out (of course)...but they worked out for Jesus and they will for us...eventually...but it will be because it's His circle, not mine.

LOVE

2010-11-27T00:21:00.009-06:00

For my first blog in this resurrected version of Gratiafied...I have chosen the subject of love. This is close to my own heart...which is currently broken and working on repair, much of it because I did much breaking of my own. Paul Zahl talks about love as the essence of the Gospel (one-way love) and we are reminded that it is the central theme, subject, and the very core of the Gospel, of God, of Jesus, and of our only hope. I am so sorry to have missed their conference in Pensacola, but Mockingbird blog has put out some of the best theological/practical/cultural/relevant presentations of the Gospel (which is the whole point of everything) that I think I have heard or seen in the landscape of 'Christianity' in our time. For all those who have a broken heart (who doesn't) this affirmation that the Gospel gives hope to those who have experienced deep, personal and moral bankruptcy.

For me, the second talk by Paul Zahl was particularly relevant...but I urge you to please listen to these the whole way through. Particularly Grace Again Talk 2...please follow the link below and download the audio files.

Pensacola Mockingbird Conference

Gratiafied again....

2010-11-04T01:33:00.006-05:00

If there is one thing that Gratiafied means (if anything) it is that forgiveness is the only thing that enables us to go from day to day. With that in mind...I am going to attempt to resurrect this innocuous blog...and hope that anything that I put on here is either beautiful or profound...which means that I stole it from someone else.

So stay tuned...and expect the worst...I am.